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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 11
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 11 | |
| By LynB | ||
| 21 November 2006 | ||
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Chapter 11 As she drove along the quiet country lanes, Donna gave her husband a surreptitious sideways glance. He was gazing out of the window, seemingly in a world of his own – a world that, at the moment, was filled with fear and pain. He still seemed a little agitated, sighing and shifting around in his seat, so she switched on the radio, in an effort to calm him. Next to his family, music was his one great love, and it had often brought comfort to him during dark and difficult times. As the voice of the great Luciano Pavarotti came through the speakers, he turned to look at her, tears rolling down his face. “I used to dream of being able to sing like him one day” he said, trying to control the tremor in his voice. “Now it’ll never happen!” “Don’t talk like that, Jon!” she pleaded, her voice gentle. “With your talent, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be as good as Pavarotti, one day! I’ve heard so many people say what a phenomenal voice you have! You can’t give up now – just think what you’d be throwing away! I know things are hard for you at the moment, but they will get better – we’re all here for you!” “You saw what happened back there!” he said, turning away from her. “It seems like a distant dream at the moment!” “I know!” she said, softly. “but each day you’ll get a little closer to it! Look, we’re nearly home now. When we get in, I’ll make us a nice cup of tea – how does that sound?” “Fine” he said, as though he could not really care less. As they approached the house, they could see Steve and Laura standing in their front garden. They could not make out exactly what was being said, but they could tell from their faces and the raised voices that they were not making plans for a romantic weekend! They were so busy shouting at each other, that they did not even notice the car pulling on to the drive. Jon and Donna exchanged glances as they walked up to their front door. “Don’t mind us!” said Donna, trying to lighten the situation. “Just passing through!” “Sorry” replied Laura, her face burning with embarrassment. “It’s just that he can be so unreasonable sometimes! He can never see my point of view! Men are all the bloody same!” “I’ll leave you to it, then!” snapped Jon, shooting her an evil look. “So you can discuss the shortcomings of the opposite sex to your heart’s content!” “Jon, I didn’t mean……” Before she could complete her sentence, he had put his key in the lock, and shut the door behind him. “It’s all right, Laura” said Donna, putting a reassuring hand on her arm. “He’s not been himself lately! He’s on a bit of a short fuse – try not to take it personally!” “I don’t mean to pry, Donna – and please, don’t take this personally – but he looks really tired and ill. Is he all right?” “It’s a long story, Laura. I’ll tell you when you’ve got a free week! I’d better go and see what he’s doing. Anyway, David’s waking up, and he’ll start shouting for his feed. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am!” As she shut the front door behind her, Laura thought to herself that, after witnessing Jon’s out of character outburst, and noticing his pale, drawn features, that Donna had enough on her plate without other people pouring out their troubles to her! Steve had never told his wife what had happened that night, when he had gone to investigate the noise next door. He had been sworn to secrecy, as Donna had thought that the less people knew about it, the better. Laura had been out that particular night, and he did not see any point in telling her. In fact, she had been out on quite a few nights, recently – more than she used to. “There was no need to speak to her like that, Jon!” said Donna, as she sat at the kitchen table, spooning food into David’s mouth. “She didn’t mean anything by what she said! She doesn’t know that…..” “Well, why don’t you tell her, then!” he snapped, ignoring Clare’s trembling lips and tear filled eyes, as his voice rose in anger. “Tell her what a head case you’re married to! Fill her in on all the details, Donna – tell her that I’m a hopeless mental case, who shouts at his wife and children, and can’t even take his little girl to school, without having a panic attack, and heading for the hills! I’m sure she’ll be most interested! Give you all something to talk about – that is, if you’re not doing that already!” He broke off, as Clare clung to Donna, crying uncontrollably, never taking her eyes off her daddy. To her childish mind, it was simple – if someone shouted, it meant they were angry, so therefore daddy must be angry with mummy if he was shouting at her. David glanced fearfully at him, unsure whether to cry or not. Suddenly, Clare stopped crying and went over to him, tugging his hand to gain his attention. “What!” he snapped, immediately feeling like the world’s biggest bastard when her little face crumpled once again. “Don’t be cross, daddy!” she sobbed, clinging on to his arm. “Don’t shout! I don’t like it!” “I’m sorry, Clare!” he whispered, fighting back tears. “Do you love mummy?” “Of course I do!” He was shocked at her question. “More than anything…..” “Stop shouting, then!” she said, the pleading look in her eyes going straight to his heart. “Mummy doesn’t like it!” The simple truth of his child’s words tore at his heart, and the look of pain on her face was something he would never forget. He had always said that his wife and children were the most precious people in his life, yet, here he was, causing them untold pain. God, how the hell had it come to this? He glanced over at Donna, and the look of pain and confusion on her face broke his heart there and then. Maybe if she had shouted back at him, told him what she thought of him, he could have taken it better, but the hurt, accusing look she gave him, without even saying a word, was like a knife in his heart. What was he doing to her – the woman he loved more than life itself? Just how much more could she take? Without saying another word, he walked from the room, and went upstairs. He went straight into their bedroom, and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He switched on the radio, in an attempt to dispel the thoughts that were crowding his mind. He smiled to himself as one of Eileen’s favourite classical pieces – ‘Una furtiva lagrima’ – filled the room. He loved music so much, it always made him feel peaceful instead of troubled. It was a piece he had often sung himself, and Eileen never tired of hearing his rich, soaring tenor, as he poured his heart and soul into every note. He stood up, and walked over to the window. As he stared out at the flowers in next-door’s garden, he realised that they were the last ones Eileen had ever planted, and he felt his eyes fill with tears. As the music filled his senses, he began to sing, but as an image of Eileen suddenly came to his mind, his voice began to falter, and his throat tightened as, once again, he fought a losing battle with his emotions. He heard Donna’s footsteps on the stairs; it was time for Clare and David’s nap. He listened as she laughed and chatted with Clare, then he heard her speak softly to David, her words closely followed by the tinkling of the mobile above his bed. He waited for her to come into the room, but instead she disappeared downstairs, leaving him totally at a loss. Still, he couldn’t blame her – he was so unpredictable these days. Why should she run the risk of being subjected to another angry tirade? He crept out of the room, trying not to wake the children, and went downstairs to join her. As she stood there in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, he stood in the doorway, watching her. Before he even had a chance to draw breath, she spoke first. “Don’t start, please, Jon!” she said, her voice weary. “I think I’ve had a gutful for one day!” “I wasn’t going to!” he replied, looking at the floor. “Tell me, Donna, why is so bloody hard to say sorry? I’ve so much to be sorry about, that I don’t know where to start…..” “It doesn’t matter…..” “Yes, it does! I thought I would get better each day, but I’m not, I’m getting worse! What kind of monster am I turning into?! I’m yelling at you over the slightest little thing! How many times can I expect you to forgive me….” “I don’t know what you want me to say!” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “It’s killing me, seeing you like this! You’re not the man I married! Where did he go, Jon? I want him back! I don’t want this tired, angry, frightened wreck standing in front of me! Your children are scared of you! Right now, I don’t even want to leave them alone with you! I don’t want to be alone with you…..” “How dare you suggest I’m not fit to look after my own children?!” he yelled, making a move toward her. “They’re not just your children, you know! They’re mine, too! You can’t take that away from me! I love my children, they’re my life! They give me a reason to get up in the mornings!” “What about me, Jon?” she said, her voice beginning to rise. “Do you love me? You said you love your children, but you didn’t mention me! You’re so wrapped up in a dead woman’s memory that you don’t seem to care less about me any more!” “Don’t you ever talk about her like that again!” It was almost as if her words had tripped a switch in his brain, and shaking with anger, he raised his arm, but her cry of fear brought him back to his senses with a jolt, and he immediately put it down again. “Go on then!” she said, pointing to her cheek. “If it makes you feel better!” Suddenly realising what he had done, all his anger drained away, and he stood there staring at her. Jesus, he had just raised his hand to her – something that he had sworn he would never do. The fact that he had not actually touched her was irrelevant. He tried to touch her cheek, but she slapped his hand away, telling him not to come anywhere near her. “I’m sorry, Donna! I can’t offer any excuses this time! Nothing excuses a man raising his hand to a woman! If I have to spend the rest of my life convincing you it’ll never happen again, then I will!” “I know it won’t happen again!” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I know it was completely out of character! What I find so hard to take in is the fact you did it in the first place! There was a time when I felt safe with you, and when you put your arms around me, I felt secure and loved. I felt protected. Right now, I just feel scared of you! For the first time ever, I was actually scared of you!” “Oh God, what kind of a bastard am I?!” Tears began to flood down his face, and he stared at her helplessly, quite unable to speak, as huge, shuddering sobs shook him from head to foot, sometimes taking his breath away. As he covered his face with his hands, he felt her arms pulling him close, and he rested his head on her shoulder, and sobbed until his whole body ached. “I don’t know what to do any more!” she said, as she held him fast. “I don’t know how much longer I can live like this – never knowing which way you’re going to blow! I know it’s not your fault, but it’s like I’ve lost the man I love, and I’m living with a stranger! I’ll tell you the truth, Jon – I love you to death, but I don’t really like you any more!”
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