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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 14
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 14 | |
| By LynB | ||
| 21 November 2006 | ||
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Chapter 14 For a moment, there was a stunned silence, as Donna fought for her self-control. Jon just stared at her, as he tried to digest what she had just said. As she made a move for the door, he grabbed her arm, and pulled her round to face him. “You don’t mean that” he said, tears beginning to spill down his face. “Please, Donna, don’t make me go! How will I get through this without you? You know I can’t do it on my own! Please, Donna, without you, I’m finished, please….” “Please, Jon!” Her voice was a whisper. “No more! I can’t take any more! I’ve tried so hard to help you, but you won’t let me! You don’t talk to me any more, and you’re always so angry! You never show me any affection! I can’t remember the last time you gave me a hug or the last time we made love! I can’t help you! No one can if you won’t let them….” “I’ll let you, I promise! I’ll try harder! I’ll do anything you want me to do! Just, please, don’t make me go! I can’t face life without you, without my children – you’re everything to me! You’re all I live for! I know I’ve hurt you, but I swear it’ll be different from now on! Please, Donna, I’m begging you don’t do this to me! You can’t…..” “Stop it, Jon!” she pleaded, trying to free herself from his grip. “Do you really think this is what I want? Do you?! You’ve driven me to it! I can’t see any other way out – I can’t live like this! It isn’t fair on me, or our children! Who knows what it’s doing to them, seeing their daddy like this! Come on, let go of me! Please, have some dignity, and just leave!” “No! I won’t! I can’t! Please, Donna, tell me you still love me – just a little! You don’t, do you! You don’t love me any more! Oh God, I can’t stand it….” “I do love you!” she said, her voice soft and full of pain. “Maybe it’s because I love you that I’m doing this! It’s because I love you that I can’t stand by and watch, while you slowly destroy yourself – knowing there’s nothing I can do! I know the man I love is still there – come back to me when you’ve found him!” She tried to release herself from his grip, but he was too strong for her. She did not feel scared, because she knew he was not hurting her intentionally. He was in pain, and it was breaking her heart watching the anguish in his eyes, as he begged her to let him stay. Just for one minute, she was close to giving in, but then she thought of all the times he had reduced the children to tears with his unpredictable rages, and left them all totally bewildered by his sudden outbursts of uncontrollable weeping. She realised that she had to harden her resolve, and stand firm. It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, because she knew the hell he must be going through, and she somehow felt that she was betraying him, but she also knew that she could not live like this any longer. As time went on, things did not seem to be getting any better – it was the only thing left for her to do. Maybe it would shock him into doing something about it – he had flatly refused to visit the counsellor again, and declared his anti depressants a waste of time – or, it could all too easily backfire with disastrous consequences, but she knew it was a chance she had to take. He noticed her efforts to break free, and slowly let go of her hands. His eyes searched her face for any sign that she might change her mind, but her expression remained firm and resolute. She took a deep breath, and began to speak again. “You can come and see the children whenever you want to” she said, her voice gentle but firm. “they’re yours as much as mine, and I know how much you love them. You’ll always be a part of their lives…..” “Just not a part of yours” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Oh, Jesus, Donna – I didn’t think it would ever come to this! Please, don’t do this! I love you, Donna! Don’t turn me away, please …… Donna, don’t….” He held out his hand to her, tears streaming down his face. His pride was out of the window now, and he was crying without shame or restraint. Violent, racking sobs tore at his throat, and took his breath away, but he could not stop them. He was trying desperately to force the words out, but he was not making any sense. Donna stared at him, feeling her eyes filling with tears. “Jon, please don’t!” she said, her voice shaking. “I can’t bear it! Shout, scream, throw things at the wall! Do anything – but please, don’t – don’t cry!” “What am I supposed to do? My whole world is collapsing around me! I’m losing everything I hold dear! Where am I supposed to go? I’ve got nowhere else to go! At least let me stay for tonight, until I find somewhere! Just one more night, Donna, that’s all I ask – please? I won’t get in the way, you won’t even know I’m here!” “Please, love, don’t make it any harder! If you stay one more night, you won’t want to go in the morning! You’d best go now – Mike lives close by, maybe you could stay with him until you can find somewhere else!” “Oh, I see! Can’t get rid of me fast enough, can you? What was it you said, all that time ago? For better or for worse? In sickness and in health? Remember, Donna? Your wedding vows? I always thought we could work through anything! How bloody wrong I was! What do you propose to tell our children, when they ask where I am? Tell them that I sneaked out in the middle of the night, because I was too gutless to say goodbye to them? At least let me say goodbye to my children! Oh God, I can’t believe this is happening! I thought we were so strong…” She watched him, her heart aching, as he sat there in an armchair, his shoulders hunched. He was not crying now, but his breath was still coming in shuddering gasps, as he gently touched the eternity ring that Eileen had given to him. Apart from her classical CD collection, it was the only material reminder of her he possessed. Donna gently ran her hand over his hair. He promptly shook it off. “Please, Donna!” he said, not looking at her. “Don’t touch me! You know what it does to me when you do that! It isn’t fair! It’s torturing me! I’ll just take a few clothes with me for now, and come back for everything else! You can’t pack five years’ worth of memories away in one night.” “You have to believe me, Jon” she said, as she stared out of the window at the night sky. “I didn’t want to do this, but I can’t live on a knife edge any longer! If you refuse to accept anyone’s help, then you won’t get any better! You haven’t even tried..” “Haven’t tried? Oh God, if only you knew..” he said, getting up from the chair, and disappearing upstairs. “You have no idea…” As he began to walk the short distance to Mike’s house, he suddenly began to shiver. He thought at first it was the cold night air, then he realised that it was all the old fears coming to the surface. He was completely alone, out in the open, instead of in his own familiar four walls – where he felt safe and secure. It wasn’t far to walk, but he was beginning to feel scared and panicky, and suddenly it seemed a hell of a lot further. He felt his chest tighten, and he felt like he was fighting for breath. He stopped in his tracks, and tried to breathe slowly and deeply, just like Donna had told him to do that day in the school playground, where he had experienced his very first panic attack. Gradually, he felt himself grow calmer, and told himself that there was nothing to worry about. He looked around him, and was thankful for the fact that there was no one else around. He would have been extremely embarrassed if anyone had heard him talking to himself! He had often heard people joke that it was the first sign of insanity – too bloody late, he thought bitterly, he was already losing his mind. As he carried on walking, he heard voices. That’s all right, he thought to himself, I’m not the only silly bugger walking the streets in the middle of the night. The voices belonged to a man and a woman, and the conversation gradually grew more heated. Right now, it was the man who was talking. “Come on” he said, his voice low and menacing. “You know you want it! You’ve been giving me the come on all night! I don’t like teases! I don’t like women who lead you on, then turn around and say they’re not interested!” “I didn’t!” was the frightened reply. “I never led you on! I told you right from the start, I only wanted to meet you as a friend – nothing more! We’ve had a few drinks, and it was a nice evening, but now it’s over! So, please, just take me home, like you promised!” “Doesn’t work like that! Now come on – be nice……” “Get off, you bastard! Leave me alone!” Jon rounded the corner just in time to see a man at least three inches taller than himself, holding a small, dark-haired woman against the wall. Her eyes were wide with fear, and she was pleading with him to let her go. Like so many times before, Jon suddenly felt rage bubbling up inside him, and the fact that the man was bigger than him was totally irrelevant. He just could not walk away from this. He walked up to the man, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Who the hell are you?” he snapped, his eyes blazing. “What do you want?” “Let her go!” said Jon, trying to keep his temper. “You’re hurting her!” “Keep out of this! It’s nothing to do with you!” “When I see a grown man attacking a woman, it’s everything to do with me! Now, do you let her go, or do I punch your lights out?” The man laughed scornfully, and gave him a derisive pat on the cheek. “In your dreams, mate!” he said, one hand still firmly holding the girl. “Now run along, and pick on someone your own size!” “Let her go, you scumbag! God, blokes like you make me sick! Attacking a woman – is that the only thing you’re man enough to do?!” Finally, the girl spoke up, her voice shaking. The fear in her eyes was all too apparent. “Go away!” she begged. “Go while you still can! You don’t know what he’s capable of! Please – just go!” “Like hell!” snapped Jon, unable to control his temper any longer. “I’m not leaving you like this!” Suddenly, things began to happen very fast. Letting go of the girl, the man rounded on him. She screamed in terror, as she saw a sudden flash of steel. Jon felt the point of the knife against his arm, as he lifted it up to shield his face, then he felt a sudden blow to the side of his head, and everything went black. He woke up to find himself lying on a sofa, with a makeshift bandage on his arm, and covered with a hand crocheted blanket. He winced as he felt the throbbing in his head and arm, then he realised that he had absolutely no idea where he was. He was not at home, but he was not at Mike’s either. Where the hell was he? He suddenly felt very scared, and he felt tears stinging his eyes. Suddenly, he heard a soft voice in his ear, and felt the sofa give as someone sat down next to him. “It’s all right! You’re safe now! Come on, don’t cry!” “How did I get here? Who are you?” “I called a taxi, and brought you back here! This is my flat. You ended up like this because you tried to help me. My ex boyfriend was giving me a hard time, and you stepped in. Do you remember now?” “Yes, I remember” he said, tears beginning to roll down his face. “Oh shit! It hurts!” “I’ll get you some painkillers. It's all right - I know who you are. You're one of my favourite singers - I've got all your albums. What on earth happened to you? What were you doing walking the streets?" “To cut a long story short,” he said, turning his face away from her, and beginning to sob. “My wife threw me out, and I’ve got nowhere to go! Oh God, what a bloody mess!” “My name’s Eliza” she replied, gently stroking his hair. “Come on, please don’t cry! Would it help to talk? I’m a good listener, you know.” He turned to face her. She was holding his hand, and her face was full of tenderness and compassion. As he poured his heart out to her, he could feel gently brushing her thumb across his hand, gradually calming him. Suddenly, he stopped talking, and stared helplessly at her, as the tears started again. “Donna does that” he said, as he began to shake from head to foot. “Donna? Is that your wife?” He nodded wordlessly, as she leaned over, and put her arms around him, pulling him close. He found himself clinging to her, as he sobbed uncontrollably. God, how he needed that hug right now. He had never felt so alone in his life. “It’s all right” she whispered, gently rubbing his back. “You’ll be all right with me! I’ll look after you! You’re not like him, you’re kind, and sweet and gentle. You….” “Shh, Eliza!” he said, softly. “No more talking. Just – just hold me. That’s all I need right now!”
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