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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 16
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 16 | |
| By LynB | ||
| 21 November 2006 | ||
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Chapter 16 Suddenly, after a few minutes of frenzied, urgent kissing, Donna broke away from Steve, and, pushed him away. He stared at her, completely bewildered. “No, Steve! I can’t do this, it’s wrong!” “How can it be? You said so yourself, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be wanted and desired! You said you can’t remember the last time you were held and kissed, the last time you felt like – like a woman!” “But, I – I feel so guilty! I’m going behind my husband’s back! I always swore I’d never do that! There was a time when I couldn’t imagine loving anyone but him, yet here I am now, kissing another man! What makes it worse is that I actually enjoyed it! God, what a bloody mess!” “Sit down here, Donna!” said Steve, patting the space next to him. “Calm down, and let’s talk about this rationally. Right, now I’m going to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer – don’t say what you think you should say, say what you feel!” “I don’t like the sound of that!” she said, giving him a nervous sideways glance. “Come on then, ask away!” “Do you still love Jon?” “Well, you believe in getting straight to the point, don’t you?” “It’s a simple question, Donna. Do you still love him?” “It’s not as simple as you might think, Steve. I can’t just switch off my feelings after all this time, but it’s not the same as it used to be. So much has happened over the last few months, that I don’t know if it’ll ever be the same again. Since his breakdown, he’s become so bitter and angry. I can’t remember the last time I saw him smile, and every time I try and hold him, or kiss him, he turns me away. He used to be so loving, and so tender, and when he kissed me – well, I just can’t describe how he made me feel. I loved him so much, Steve…..” “Past tense?” “Part of me still loves him, part of me will always love him. He’s the father of my children, Steve – for that reason alone, he’ll always have a place in my heart. He’s a wonderful father, and he worships his children. They think the sun rises and sets in him – that’s why telling them he’s gone will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I know he’ll still see them, but it’s not the same. How did it come to this, Steve? I didn’t think anything could ever break us up. I didn’t think anything could ever destroy what we had together – we were so strong. When Eileen died, we were all devastated. I never dreamed that Jon would take it quite so hard – it was the way he found her, but I don’t really want to go into that again. I tried my best to hold on, but it was like trying to hold on to a drowning person – he just kept slipping away from me. I love him, but I’m not in love with him any more, if that makes sense. God, I do go on, don’t I? It’s getting late, you’d better go!” “You seemed quite pleased to see me, just a few minutes ago!” replied Steve, his voice taking on a bitter edge. “Not much evidence of guilt that I could see! In fact, you seemed to be quite enjoying it!” “I was!” she whispered, gently touching his cheek. “but it is getting late! I have to be up early, and so do you! Come on, don’t leave me like this! I appreciate you coming round – it’s not the first time you’ve come to my rescue over the last little while! Give me time, Steve! I’ve got to learn to love again – please be patient with me! This will take some getting used to!” “I’ve got all the time in the world!” he said, cupping her face in his hands, and kissing her long and tenderly. “It doesn’t matter how long it takes! I’ll see you tomorrow!” “No, not tomorrow! It’s David’s birthday tomorrow – he’ll be a year old! I’m having a little party for him at home. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you and Jon to be in the same room together. Remember what happened last time? You tried to knock seven bells out of each other! I’ll give you a ring, when it’s OK to come round.” “Fair enough. I’ll wait for your call!” “Shouldn’t be too long! One more thing – Jon must never know about this. It would send him right over the edge.” “Donna, we can’t keep it a secret forever, you know! Sneaking around, hiding…” “Please, Steve – just for now! If you love me like you say you do, then you’ll do as I ask!” “Fair enough!” he said, kissing her. “I’ll see you around!” All too soon, it was morning, and as he lay there on the sofa at Eliza’s flat, Jon could not help thinking how quiet it was – too quiet. He missed all the chattering and the laughter, as they all got ready for the day ahead. He missed Donna’s morning kiss, and the smiles on his children’s faces, as they held their arms out to him for their ‘magic cuddle’. He had been through some bad times in the past, and thought he could handle anything life could throw at him, but nothing had prepared him for this. He felt like he was breaking up inside, and there was no medicine that could ever come close to easing the pain he was feeling right at this moment. His train of thought was broken when Eliza came and sat down next to him, a cup of coffee in her hand. She offered it to him, smiling warmly, her eyes bright with tenderness, trying desperately to hide her feelings. “Eliza, you don’t have to do this, you know” he said, returning her smile, as he blinked away the tears that sprang to his eyes. “You’ve been so kind to me already. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you – you’re a true friend. You’ve done enough by letting me stay – you don’t have to wait on me hand and foot as well!” “I want to” she replied, putting her hand on his. “It’s nice to have someone to look after. It’s nice to have someone who needs me….” “Everyone wants to feel needed” he said, gently touching her cheek. “That ex of yours didn’t realise when he was well off – you’re a lovely girl, Eliza. You’ll find someone else – someone who deserves you. He didn’t, and you’re better off without him!” With every fibre of her being, she wanted to say to him that she already had found someone else, someone who she longed for. It was agony being so close to him, and not being able to hold him in her arms. She wanted to press her lips against his, and give herself to him completely. Just that fleeting touch of his hand on her cheek had made her want him more than ever. Still, she knew she could never let on to him how she felt – he was in a very vulnerable state of mind, and besides, he had made it clear he was still very much in love with his wife. She hid her feelings by smiling brightly, and saying: “Come on! Hurry up, and drink that coffee. You can’t lie around here all day, making the place look untidy!” “My mum always used to say that to me!” he said, turning away from her, as his self-control began to give. “God, I’d give anything to feel her arms around me right now! I need her so badly, and she’s so far away. I’ve never felt so alone in my life…” “I’m here” she whispered, her heart aching for him. “There’s no need to feel alone. I’m a good listener, and great big squishy hugs are my speciality!” “Got any going spare?” he said, tears beginning to roll down his face. “Because I could do with one right now!” “Coming right up!” she replied, pulling him close. “That’s it! Come on, you don’t have to put on a brave face in front of me! That’s better! A bloody good cry will do you the world of good! You’re trying to hold the pain inside, when you don’t need to – it’s better to let it all out! You shouldn’t bottle it all up!” “It’s my little boy’s first birthday today!” he wept, his voice muffled by her shoulder. “I so wanted to be there for him! He’s growing up so fast, and I’m missing it! I want him to know who I am, I…..” “Why can’t you be there? Surely your wife will expect to be there. He’s yours as much as hers, isn’t he? Here, why don’t you ring and ask her?” “All right” he agreed, pulling himself together, rubbing furiously at his eyes with the tissue she offered him. “I’ll just have a shower and get dressed, then I’ll ring her.” “You do that” she said, her smile hiding her pain. As he opened the back door, he could hear Donna talking to the children, and he could hear squeals of laughter, as Rosie climbed on to Emily’s lap, urging her to ‘drive’ her wheelchair around the room as fast as she could, while she held on for dear life. He stood there in the doorway, for a couple of minutes, before they noticed him. Suddenly, they stopped in their tracks, and made a beeline for him. Clare got to him first, and he swept her up into his arms, holding her as tightly as he dared. She wrapped her arms around his neck, declaring how much she had missed him. He embraced them all in turn, then he turned his attention to David. As soon as he noticed his daddy standing there, he reached out to him, trying to wriggle free from Donna’s grip. “How’s my birthday boy, then?” he said, feeling his throat tighten at the expression of love on his tiny son’s face. “I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I watched you come into the world!” “Come and sit next to me, then” said Donna, holding out her hand. “I won’t attack you!” “Have you told them yet?” he said, looking around to make sure none of the children could hear him. “You can’t put it off, you know!” “Not yet!” she replied, smiling fondly as David ripped the paper off yet another present. “I’m going to let them enjoy David’s birthday party first, then I’ll break it to them. I’ve got a feeling it’s not going to go down too well, to say the least! Oh, I think the guests are starting to arrive! We’ll talk later!” He did not want to give the children any idea that there was anything going on, so, plastering on a smile to hide his heartache, he put his heart and soul into ensuring that David had the best birthday any little boy could wish for. He helped him open his presents, he played games with all the little guests, and smiled indulgently when David gazed up at him, his face covered in ice cream. It was obvious that more ice cream had ended up around his mouth than in it, but he had enjoyed it immensely, and that was all that mattered. Then, at last, it was time for one of the most important parts of any party – the cake! Donna lit the candle, and they all began to sing Happy Birthday. Even though her feelings for Jon had changed, nothing would ever dull her love for that God given voice of his - only he could make Happy Birthday sound like an operatic aria. All too soon, it was time to go. When the children asked why he wasn’t staying, once again he made an excuse – this time he told them he was visiting a friend. Donna whispered to him that she would tell the children when he had gone. She knew that the looks on their faces when she told them would be more than he could bear. She was right – it was not an easy task. There were tears and recriminations, and many hurtful things were said, but not really meant – just said in pain, and in the heat of the moment. When the children were in bed, the silence was deafening, and Donna could bear it no longer. In tears, she rang Steve, who came round right away. He took her in his arms, and they held each other fast. He gently wiped her tears away, and began to kiss her gently. They became so engrossed in what they were doing, that they didn’t hear the back door open. “I’d forget my head if it weren’t screwed on” said a voice. “I’ve left my bloody wallet here, I’ll be needing that tomorrow, I…” As he rounded the corner, he stopped short, as he clamped his hand over his mouth, to stop himself from screaming out loud. “Oh my God! Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse! Jesus, how much more do I have to take?” “Jon, please….” “Don’t touch me!” he yelled, as she made a move towards him. “Don’t say another word, Donna! Not another word – please!” As he ran from the room, sobbing hysterically, Donna turned to Steve, and looking up at him, she whispered: “Oh God, Steve, what have we done?”
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