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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 18
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 18 | |
| By LynB | ||||||
| 21 November 2006 | ||||||
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Chapter 18 Although Donna was convinced she had made the right decision by her children, by asking Jon to leave, they did not seem to see it that way – especially Emily. After her biological parents had so cruelly deserted her, she was devastated that her new family had now been torn apart. Breakfast time, which was normally a time filled with chattering and laughter, was unusually quiet. Rosie and Clare were uncharacteristically quiet, and Emily kept shooting her accusing glances. Eventually, Donna could take no more. “Is there something you want to say to me, Emily?” she said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “I miss daddy” replied Emily, softly, her eyes filling with tears. “I want him to come back! When is he coming back?” “I don’t know” said Donna, unable to look her in the eyes. “Maybe he won’t come back at all.” “Why did he go, mummy?” said Rosie, her lips trembling. “Is it because I’ve been naughty? If I’m good, will he come back?” “It’s not that, Rosie” said Donna, feeling a lump in her throat. “It’s difficult to explain….” “He was so angry all the time” said Emily, looking very thoughtful. “I’ve heard him crying too – even though he didn’t realise I could hear him. I was so confused, mummy! When he was angry, I was a little bit scared of him – but when he cried, I just wanted to put my arms around him and love him better! How can you be scared of someone, and love them at the same time, mummy! I don’t understand…” “That’s the main reason I asked daddy to go, because I didn’t think…” “You asked him to go?” interrupted Emily, her eyes suddenly bright with anger. “I thought he went because he wanted to! You made him go! It’s your fault daddy left us! I thought you loved him, mummy! But you didn’t! You didn’t, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked him to go!” “It’s not quite that simple, Emily!” said Donna, her voice trembling. “Daddy and I weren’t getting along like we used to! These things happen! People change – their feelings change! One thing that will never change is the way we feel about you – all of you! We’ll always love you, and you’ll always be able to see daddy whenever you want to! You….” “I want to see him every day! I want him to kiss me goodnight, and sing to me! I want him to give me magic cuddles when I’m poorly, I – I just want him to come home, mummy! You told him to go – you can ask him to come back! Please, mummy – ask him! Please….” “I can’t, Emily!” “Why not? He’d come, I know he would! He loves us – all of us! If you won’t ask him, mummy, I will! Where is he?” “I don’t know! He’s staying with a friend, but I don’t know where they live!” She decided it would not be a good idea to tell them that Jon’s friend was female. She did not want to make things worse than they already were – if that were possible. “You don’t want him to come back, do you? Daddy said that you would love each other forever! He was wrong, wasn’t he? He told me a lie! He said he’d never lie to me!” “It wasn’t a lie, Emily! He didn’t know that it would come to this! He thought at the time we would love each other forever! You know daddy would never lie to you!” “It’s all gone wrong, mummy! When I came to this family, we all loved each other, and we were all happy! Now daddy’s gone, and we’re all sad! I’ll never be happy again – never!” Before Donna could answer her, she pressed the button on her wheelchair, and steered herself out of the back door into the garden. Donna watched her through the kitchen window, her heart breaking, but she realised that, for the moment, it was best to let her be. Emily had suffered so much heartache in her short life, and once again, everything she held dear was falling apart – just how much could one child bear? Donna’s train of thought was broken when she felt a tug at her skirt. She looked down to see Rosie, her little face a picture of concern. “Is Emily all right, mummy?” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “She will be, sweetheart” said Donna, fighting for her self-control. “She’s just upset about daddy, but once she realises that he still loves her, and she can see him whenever she wants, I’m sure she’ll be fine! Come here and give mummy a hug!” She crouched down, and held out her arms. Rosie ran straight into them and wrapped her arms around her neck. Donna was thankful she could not see the tears that were streaming down her face – if there was anything worse than her marriage crumbling before her eyes, it was the thought of losing the love of one of her children. There was a time when she had thought that life could not get any better – she had a loving husband and four beautiful children – everything she had ever dreamed about – where had it all gone so horribly wrong? Still, no matter how she felt right now, she had to hold it together, for the sake of the children. Her train of thought was broken when she heard Emily come in behind her. She stood up to face her. “I’m sorry, mummy!” she said, beginning to cry. “What for?” “For what I said! I didn’t mean it, mummy! Do you forgive me?” “There’s nothing to forgive, Emily! We all say things we don’t mean when we’re hurting. I’ll tell you what – would you like me to ring daddy on his mobile, and tell him you want to see him? I’m sure he’d love to see you!” “Can I ring him, mummy? If you give me the number, can I ring him? If I can talk to him for a little while, then perhaps I won’t miss him quite so much!” “Aren’t you going to answer it, then?” said Eliza, as the mobile on the coffee table began to ring. “It could be important!” “Oh yes!” he said, his voice cutting. “It’s probably my wife, telling me she’s made a terrible mistake, and begging me to come back! In my dreams!” “Don’t talk like that, Jon. Maybe one day, she will see what she’s giving up! Just hang in there!” “I won’t hold my breath!” he said, picking up the mobile, and flipping it open. He felt his eyes fill with tears as he read the display – ‘Donna calling’. “Donna? What do you want?” “It’s me, daddy! It’s Emily!” “Oh sweetheart! How lovely to hear your voice! How are you doing?” “I’m all right, daddy! I was just ringing to ask if you’d come and see us! We really do miss you, you know!” “I miss you, too!” he said, feeling Eliza’s gentle hand on his arm, as he fought back tears. “I’ll come and see you whenever you want me to! How about today?” “Yes, come and see us today! Will you come back and stay with us, daddy? We all love you, and we want you to come back!” “I can’t, Emily!” he said, his voice breaking on a sob. “Mummy sent me away, and I can’t come back unless she wants me to! I know it’s not fair, but there’s nothing I can do about it! I’ll come and see you, and I’ll take you all out, but then I have to leave you! I don’t want to, but I’ve got no choice!” “It’s all right, daddy!” said Emily, her voice gentle. “As long as I can see you, I don’t mind!” “See?” said Eliza, smiling fondly at him, as he placed the ‘phone back on the table. “I told you it could be important! It’s nice to know somebody loves you!” “That’s the one thing that keeps me going through all of this!” he said, returning her smile. “Knowing that my children still love me. That, to me, is beyond price!” She desperately wanted to say to him that his children weren’t the only ones who loved him, but she realised that now was not the right time – maybe there would never be a right time. She would just have to wait. “I’ll give you a lift, if you like!” she said, picking up her car keys. “Then you can pick up the people carrier when you get there! I’d let you borrow my car, but it’s not big enough, and Emily’s wheelchair wouldn’t fit in the boot. We’ve got a couple of hours to kill before you need to leave – how about a nice cup of coffee? Surely this must prove to you that all is not lost – you can still keep in touch with you children – that’s something! You never know what the future will hold!” Eliza dropped him off outside his house, and waved cheerfully before she drove away, wishing with all her heart that she had met him first. Still, she could not change the past – she had his friendship, and after her experiences with her cruel ex, that, to her, was worth more than gold. He opened the back door, and walked into the living room, where he saw Donna and Steve sitting together on the sofa, their arms around each other, their lips locked together as they kissed long and tenderly. “Oh, don’t mind me!” he said, making them both jump out of their skin. “Have you no bloody shame? Aren’t you bothered about the children seeing you?” “They’re not here!” said Steve, looking him straight in the eye. “I was talking to the ventriloquist, not the dummy!” snapped Jon, glaring at him. “What do you mean? Where are they?” “They’re with mum and Joanne” said Donna, buttoning up her blouse. “They asked if they could take them out!” “Emily rang me, and asked if I’d come over! You must have known I was coming! What’s going on?” “Well” said Donna, beginning to look distinctly uncomfortable. “I’ve been talking to Steve, and, taking into account what’s happened, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to have them on your own! I mean, you’re still very unpredictable – you know how much it scares them when you lose it! Maybe later on, but your state of mind isn’t exactly stable, is it? I’m going to see a solicitor tomorrow…..” “I don’t believe I’m hearing this! You’ve been discussing whether I’m fit to look after my children with him? Good God, Donna, what are you trying to do to me? Just when I think you can’t hurt me any more, you go straight ahead and try and deprive me of the one thing that you promised me you’d never take away! You told me they’d always be part of my life! How could you break that promise, Donna?! How could you? Don’t take them away from me, please – I’m begging you! Do whatever you want to me, but for the love of God, don’t take my children! Let me see my children, please! Oh, what’s the use? It’s pointless, isn’t it? You’ve made up your mind, there’s nothing I can do!” “I’m so sorry, Jon. I think it’s for the best!” “Oh, do you! Best for whom, exactly? No, don’t even bother to answer! Right, I’m leaving now, while I’ve still got some dignity, but just before I go, I’ll tell you this – if I ever see him with any of my children, so help me God, I won’t be responsible for what I might do!” With that, he turned around and walked out. He began the long walk back to Eliza’s flat, tears streaming down his face, ignoring the stares and whispers from passers by. When he arrived, he let himself in with the key that Eliza had very kindly given him, and quickly shut the door behind him, almost as if he was trying to shut out the world… When Eliza returned home, she smiled to herself as she saw him lying on the sofa, sound asleep. She toyed with the idea of whether or not to wake him, but then decided to take the risk, as she had bought a fish and chip supper on the way home, and did not want it to go cold. She sat down on the sofa next to him, and shook him gently, but he did not respond. He must be tired, she thought fondly, giving him another shake – still no response. “Come on, you!” she said, laughing. “Wake up – unless you like cold chips! I thought you….” Her smile faded when she spotted the bottle of tablets on the coffee table – her sleeping tablets that she took whenever things got a little too much. It was almost half empty. She turned back, and shook him yet again, and shouted his name, but still he would not wake up. She picked up the piece of paper lying underneath the bottle, it read ‘She won’t let me see my children….” . Her blood ran cold as she remembered his words of a few days ago: ‘If it weren’t for my children, I’d end it all….’
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