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Extended Work
Let no man put asunder - chapter 20
By LynB
21 November 2006
Chapter 20
 
 
The minute Eliza spoke those words, she regretted them, but she could not take them back now.  Jon pulled himself free from her grip, and lay back on the pillows, shaking off the hand she put on his shoulder.
 
“I can’t believe you just said that to me” he said, his voice strained.  “After everything that’s just happened, you turn around and tell me you love me!  You were right, Eliza – your timing sucks!”
 
“Forget I said it” she whispered, feeling eyes filling with tears.  “I should never have said it!”
 
“No, you shouldn’t” he snapped, glaring at her.  “What on earth do you expect me to say?  That I love you, too?  It’s not going to happen!”
 
As she sat there in silence, resting her head in her hands, he suddenly felt mean about the harsh way in which he had just spoken to her.
 
“I’m sorry, Eliza” he said, reaching out to her.  “I shouldn’t have said that – it was uncalled for.  You’re a wonderful girl – beautiful, kind and generous, and a true friend – one of the best!  I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me – you were there when I needed someone.  There are different kinds of love, you know.  Someone once said to me that friendship is ‘love without its wings’.  I’d like to think that describes our relationship.  You’re very dear to me, Eliza, but….”
 
“I know” she interrupted, giving him a tremulous smile.  “but you’re not in love with me.  It’s all right, I should’ve known, really.  Still, a girl can dream, can’t she?  It’s still early days, and I should’ve realised that you’re still in love with Donna.”
 
She noticed his eyes fill with tears at the mention of Donna, and her heart ached for him.  She could not help noticing how fragile he looked – he looked pale and drawn, and there were dark circles under his eyes.  He turned to look at her, a defeated look on his face.
 
“I don’t know why” he said, fighting back tears.  “because she couldn’t give a shit about me!  You’re right, Eliza – even though it’s pointless, even though she doesn’t give a toss, I’m still in love with Donna.”
 
“Don’t shoot me down in flames for saying this, but don’t you think she should know about this?”
 
“What the hell for?  If she hadn’t tried to take my kids off me, I wouldn’t have done it!  She tried to take the only thing that makes it worth getting up in the mornings!  I told her that, but it made no difference!  I begged and pleaded with her – I just stopped short of getting down on my knees, but she still did it!  Do you know what hurts more than anything, Eliza?  She was discussing me, and all my shortcomings with him!  I can’t even bring myself to say his name, that’s how much it hurts!  No, Eliza, I don’t want her to know, and I don’t want her anywhere near me!”
 
“But, Jon….”
 
“No!  I don’t want to see her!  If you call her, I won’t see her!”
 
“She’s your next of kin, and though I understand why you don’t want to see her, I think she needs to know.  It might make her realise just what she’s done!  Please, Jon, let me call her!”
 
“Don’t you understand English?  I don’t want to see her!  I just want to be left alone, to get my head around it!  Please, Eliza – just drop it, please!  Besides, she won’t want to see me, anyway!”
 
“Is that what it’s all about?” she said, taking his hand in hers.  “You’re trying to act the hard man to save face, aren’t you?  If you refuse to see her, it’ll save you from any humiliation in case she doesn’t want to see you!”
 
“Whatever you say, Eliza” he said, pulling his hand away, and turning his face into the pillows.  “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m tired, and I’d like to try and sleep.”
 
“Okay, I won’t mention it again.  I’ll go now, and leave you in peace”
 
“No!” he said, grabbing her hand as she tried to stand up.  “Stay with me until I’m asleep – I don’t want to be on my own!  Please, Eliza – please?”
 
“It’s all right!” she said, sitting down by the bed, her heart aching at the look of wide-eyed fear on his face.  “I’ll stay – don’t worry!  You get some rest.  I promise, I won’t leave until you’re asleep!  There’s no need to be scared.  As long as I have breath in my body, you’ll never have to face anything alone!”
 
“That’s what Eileen said” he whispered, tears rolling down his face.  “but now she’s gone!  Donna doesn’t want me any more!  Everyone I care about leaves me!  How do I know you won’t do the same?  You’ll leave me just like they did!  You will!  I know you will….”
 
“No!” she replied, holding him close.  “No!  Not ever!”
 
As he gradually quietened, she released her grip, and he lay back on the pillows, clearly exhausted.  She held his hand in a gesture of silent comfort, and watched him as he drifted off to sleep.  Reluctantly, she stood up, and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead, before leaving the room, and making her way back to her flat.  God, it would be so empty without him there.  Even though he did not love her in the way she loved him, just being with him brought a little light to her life.
 
 
After showering, she made herself a cup of coffee, and put on a CD.  It was Jon’s latest CD, and as his rich, soaring tenor filled the room, she closed her eyes and let the music fill her senses. It was one of her favourites pieces – Time to say goodbye (Con ti partiro) – and she never tired of hearing him sing it. She thought back to when he had the world at his feet – how the hell had it come to this?  Would he ever be able to pick up the pieces, and, once again, share his gift with others, bring them to tears of joy at the sheer beauty of his voice?  Maybe, in time, he would, but that all seemed so far away right now.  She jumped as she heard a telephone ringing.  She reached out to answer it, then realised it was Jon’s mobile, on the table where he had left it.  She hesitated at first, then picked it up.
 
“Hello?”
 
“Who’s that?” said a puzzled voice.
 
“My name’s Eliza” she replied, feeling her hackles rise.  “You must be Donna”
 
“That’s right.  Look, is Jon there?  I need to talk to him.”
 
“No, I’m sorry, but he isn’t here at the moment.  I’m not quite sure when he’ll be back.”
 
“Do you know where he went?  I wanted to ask him if he wanted to visit his children one day this week”
 
“Under your supervision, of course!” said Eliza, cuttingly, quite unable to help herself.
 
“That’s none of your business” snapped Donna, trying to keep her temper.  “Now, where is he?  As I just said, I need to talk to him!”
 
“I don’t know!” retorted Eliza.  “and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you!  Why should I, after what you’ve done to him!”
 
“I think you do” said Donna, calmly.  “I can tell by your voice, that’s there’s something you’re not letting on, and I’d be grateful if you’d tell me!  Come on, I have a right to know!”
 
“I promised him I wouldn’t tell you”
 
“Come on, Eliza!  Now I know for certain that you’re hiding something!  For the last time, where is he?”
 
“All right!  He’s in hospital!  He took an overdose!  I found him when I came home from work!   So now you know, Donna!  Donna……?”
 
There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end, then the line went dead.  Eliza sat there for a moment, unmoving, hoping and praying that Jon would forgive her for telling Donna what had happened.  He probably wouldn’t at first, but, in time, she hoped he would realise she had no choice.
 
 
Meanwhile, at the hospital, Donna tentatively sat down at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up.  She was still trying to digest the news that her husband had tried to commit suicide.  What the hell was going on in his mind?  She had to find out.  Suddenly, he stirred, and turned to look at her.
 
“She told you!” he whispered, his voice shaking.  “She promised me she wouldn’t tell you I was here!  God, I thought I could trust her….”
 
“Don’t blame her, Jon.  She didn’t want to tell me, but I insisted.  It’s not her fault!”
 
“Well, you’ve had a wasted journey, because I don’t want to see you!  Go on!  Bugger off!  Leave me alone!”
 
“Please, don’t be like that!  Tell me – why did you do it?  You owe me an explanation, at the very least!”
 
“Oh, I can’t think what made me do it!” he said, his voice taking on a bitter edge.  “Maybe something to do with the fact that you think I’m an unfit father, and won’t let me see my children!  You took away the one thing that still gave my life some meaning!  I couldn’t see any point to anything any more, Donna!  I’ve lost you, and now I’ve lost my precious babies, as well!  That hurt so much, Donna – it was like a physical ache, and nothing would make it go away!  It was the only thing I could think of, the only way out…”
 
He stopped short, not trusting himself to say another word.  Donna watched him intently, as he fought for his self-control.  For a moment, she did not know what to say to his heartfelt outburst.  She put her hand on his shoulder, but he promptly shook it off.
 
“I’m so sorry, Jon” she said, her voice soft.  “but I have to think of the children, and what’s best for them.  Seeing you like that wasn’t good for them!  They didn’t know which way to turn!  Once you’ve sorted yourself out, you can see them again!”
 
“You’ve got no right to do this to me, Donna!  No right!  They’re my children as much as yours, and I love them as much as you do!  I’d never hurt them – never!  Please, let me see them!  Surely you can let me see them, as long as you’re there!  Come to some kind of compromise!  Please, Donna!  I’m on my knees now!  I’m begging you!”
 
“How can I compromise with you?   This suicide attempt has made me realise just how unstable you are, and that I made the right decision!”
 
“You just don’t get it, do you, Donna!  If you hadn’t made that decision in the first place, I’d never have done this!  Why are you being so cold towards me?  It’s almost as if you never loved me at all!  You’ll never realise just how much you’ve hurt me!”
 
“Of course I loved you!  I loved you more than anything in the world, but you’re not the man I married!  I lost him somewhere along the way – sometimes I think he died along with Eileen!  That’s when it all began to fall apart, and it’s never been the same since!  I’m not sure that we can ever get it back again!  Anyway, you’re beginning to look tired, so I’d better go now!  I’ve got to get back to the kids, Steve will be wondering where I am….”
 
She never got to finish her sentence, because all hell suddenly broke loose.  He sat up, his eyes blazing.  She cried out as he reached out and swept his arm across the bedside table, sending the contents to the floor with a crash.
 
“You’ve left my children with HIM!!” he yelled, his chest beginning to heave as his breathing grew faster.  “You stop me from seeing them, then you leave them with the bloke you’ve been shagging behind my back?!  I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve to come anywhere near me!!  Get out, Donna!  I don’t want you near me!  I don’t even want to look at you!!”
 
“Please, Jon, calm down…..”
 
“GET OUT!!!” he yelled, tears streaming down his face, before he collapsed on to the bed, sobbing hysterically.  “Get out!!  Please, just get out!!”
 
She stood there rooted to the spot, as a nurse came running in.  She whispered to her:
 
“I’d think you’d better leave.  I need to try and calm him down.  He’s been through a very traumatic experience, and he needs to be kept as quiet as possible.”
 
Donna took her leave, and left the nurse with her husband.  She did not ask any questions, but just held him gently and firmly, until his anger and frustration were spent.  She gave him a mild sedative, and after making sure he was calm and settled, she left the room.  Despite the sedative, sleep still eluded him, even when day turned into night, and he lay there awake for some considerable time, just thinking.  Suddenly, it all became too much, and he turned his face into the pillow to muffle the wrenching sobs that shook him from head to foot. He gradually fell quiet, and just lay there, his face still wet with tears.  He glanced at the clock – it was only nine o’clock – it was going to be a long night.  Suddenly a woman’s face came into his mind, and he realised how desperately he wanted  her to hold him right now, and tears took over once again.
 
“Oh God!” he wept, turning his face into his pillow.  “Oh God!  Eliza….”
 
 
 
 
 
 

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