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Poetry
Along the Dreary Road
By peeano1
21 November 2006
I wrote this when I was in sixth grade......

Along the dreary road, a place I want not to be.
 Of all the years we spent together, why did it cease?
I was your granddaughter and you were my grandmother.
We had such good times but then it all came to an end.
You came to a point in life where death awaited.
And then, it finally happened.
You were gone as a fall of a leaf that was whisked away in the rivers of peace. Just leaving me slowly like the pace of the seasons to come.
 Oh! But do you remember the merriment and fun we had in the past years so why do you leave me now?
Along the streets of your lovely city, we walked hand in hand.
Your brown sparkling eyes gazed down on me with a smile as sweet as the sweetest apple that fell upon the Earth.
 We talked and sang together in the corner of your welcoming house.
Now as years passed, I can still recollect the moments we cherished together but the images of us are slowly fading away but remember I will never forget you.


 

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006
Very hard ot read like this because it's not poetry and it's not really prose as such... 
 
If you want it to be read as a poem then I suggest putting some structure in and reposting as it's very difficult to give you nay meaningful feedback as it is :) 
 

 
ps. Did you lose the structure pasting it over?

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 21st November 2006
Yeah. I did lose the structure. I didn't realize it until now....Thanks for the advice.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006
OK, well there are some good bits and some bad bits...if you want some detailed comments then send me a pm and I'll let you know what I think in more detail-I won't go into it by review :) 
 
E

Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 21st November 2006
Some really nice images. I'll let Elli comment on structure, Its too late for me... 
 
:zzz :zzz :zzz :zzz :zzz  
 
Sleepy Oli

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