Those spur-of-the-moment things you say can backfire every now and then.
Some years ago my wife and I went on holiday to Turkey where we met a Geordie couple called Alan and Jenny. Alan was a bit shy about going out in the sun because, I later discovered, he was on the dole at home and had explained his two-week absence by telling the DHSS that he would be visiting his sister in Coventry. To return from the Midlands with a nice, deep tan would arouse suspicions, possibly leading to questions relating to money that may or may not have been kept secret from the government, so he tried to stay in the shade.
He amused himself by drinking under the umbrella by the pool and by teaching the local waiters English in his own style. For instance, at dinner one evening, a waiter asked if our meal was OK. “Everything good, is shit hot, yes?” He had, apparently, been to Alan's language school.
This part of Turkey is well-known as a breeding ground for turtles and Alan was in a constant state of high alert to see some of these elusive creatures, camera always at the ready and one day, on the beach, (Alan wrapped in a towel and factor 300 sun-cream), there was a commotion by the water’s edge. Alan noticed the gathering crowd and popped up, like a Meerkat, from his anti-sun cocoon. “Tortles!” he exclaimed, “I bet there’s tortles over there.” He grabbed his Nikon and ran, like a child who’s heard the ice-cream man’s tune. We watched him go and smiled at his enthusiasm. Not two minutes later he returned looking a bit sheepish and he and Jenny left the beach. That night, over a drink, he told us the sad tale.
He’d reached the throng of people and found himself at the back and unable to see, so he began to shove his way through to the front. This caused several people to throw withering glances and the odd insult his way. As the crowd was not parting quickly enough for his liking, he shouted “Let me through, I’m a doctor.” That did the trick. The magic words spoken, the mob parted and Alan stumbled out, camera in hand, to find himself staring at a man collapsed on the sand, obviously ill. As he stood, confused, puzzled as to where the turtles were, someone started to explain the patient’s symptoms to him. Alan found himself muttering “Ah’m not reely a doctor, man. Ah thowt there was tortles here. Sorry.”
All that was left to him was to push back through the mystified mass, most of who were looking at him as if he was a turd in a swimming-pool.
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Written by Garrulous (108 comments posted) 22nd November 2006 |
Do I detect a lack of symapthy on your part?
Great story well retold.
Gar.  |
Sympathy? Pah!
Written by BuffaloBill (25 comments posted) 22nd November 2006 |
Thanks for your comment.
I felt his embarrassment, certainly, but I was laughing too much to give him any sympathy. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 22nd November 2006 |
Yeah, great story, hee hee.
Did you manage to see any tortles on your visit? 
JAN
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 22nd November 2006 |
Good tale, well told. I thought for a moment that he'd get to the middle of the crowd to come face to face with a dole office worker.
Phil. |
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 23rd November 2006 |
This made me laugh and cringe at the same time! We've all been there in one way or another.
Alan sounds like a real delight. I presume you kept in touch after the holiday ended? |
HI Buffalo Bill
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 23rd November 2006 |
| I really enjoyed this. You have a good way of telling stories. |
Funny story!
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 23rd November 2006 |
Hope the ill man recovered ok!
I like the fact that you're not judgemental about Alan. Very refreshing!
Thanks
Oli
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