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Poetry


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Don't look back

By JourneyAtNight

23 November 2006

The days are getting darker. Walking home tonight felt a bit like walking through a horror movie scene!

Was probably just being silly but anyway....

Nothing too serious,

J.A.N

Dull orange
on dark concrete,
murky reflections
awaiting venture.
Fierce gales charging and
cackling
amidst branches insanely flailing
casting dim, vague shadows
upon the dank wet paving
that I cautiously tread,
never daring
to turn my head
or slow my pace
just keep on walking
hold onto my hat
and hum a tune
think happy thoughts....

Then I see it.

Warm creamy walls,
the soft inviting glow
of the living room light.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3559 comments posted) 23rd November 2006

"Warm creamy walls" We're talking Magnolia aren't we?Look I'm sorry but there is nothing inviting or glowing about Magnolia. I bet you've got that awful Maple laminate flooring that looks as homely as a mortuary floor. I tell you Ikea has a lot to answer for.
I still liked the poem though, very atmospheric
cheers
J

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 23rd November 2006

Yep, very atmospheric. Contrast between first and second part works well.

Steady Jane, we've got a laminate floor or two - but no magnolia.

All the best,

Phil.

Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 24th November 2006

I walk home from work in the dark every night so this really resonated with me. This is the sort of poetry I like, simple but effective.

Written by Sophie1 (12 comments posted) 24th November 2006

The first half was engaging and atmospheric but the last stanza, beginning 'warm creamy walls' dampened the poems impact for me.

Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 24th November 2006

I liked this. I think you could probably tinker with some of the adjectives-I don't like 'creamy' very much

but I do like the change in tone at the end and the way it flows. Nice stuff.

E

Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 24th November 2006

Thankyou all for your reviews.

JAN x

P.S. Jane - No, don't think it is magnolia - can't quite remember what it is. But don't EVER slag Ikea or laminate flooring! They are wonders sent from heaven(sweden) to aid we lazy folk when it comes to interior design! (And I'll have you know that we make it look good!

)

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 25th November 2006

agree with Elli here, didnt like the word "creamy" at all! made me feel abit ill..

a nice read though.. liked the first verse very much

Fran

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