Two  old men are sitting  opposite each other in a  country style pub. They are the only ones there]
 
CLIVE- How’s the Bitter?
 
STAN- Bitter, How’s the cider?
 
CLIVE- Mild
 
STAN-Perhaps I should have had the cider, then
 
CLIVE-No it’s Mild not cider and it’s bloody awful.
 

 
CLIVE He doesn’t clean out his pumps.
 
STAN- No wonder the place is empty.
 
CLIVE – I’ve heard the brewery want to shut it down
 
STAN- Bloody hell, where would we go then?
 
CLIVE-Worry about that if and when. At least we can speak freely.
 
STAN- Folks don’t mind their own bloody business, that’s the trouble.
 
CLIVE- Time was you knew and trusted folk.
 
STAN- Lets get down to business and we can get a decent pint in the Feathers.
 
CLIVE-I’ve had the van serviced, new brakes and tyres, cost a fortune.
 
STAN- Archie’ll see you’re not out of pocket. You had to get those bloody brakes done anyway. We don’t want another scare like Hunters Hollow.
 
CLIVE- You just worry about the equipment. I’ve got the van sorted.
 
STAN- Archie and I have cleared it all out of the garages and it’s all in the shed in your allotment. All  oiled and ready to go. I’ll keep the key, we need a new handle on the spade.
 
CLIVE- No-one saw you move it?
 
STAN-No-one who doesn’t need to know. Why are you asking that, you’ve never asked before?
 
CLIVE- You got the Merry Widow staying with you now. she doesn’t miss a trick, that one.
 
STAN- Hell fire, where do you get that from? And she isn’t staying she just likes to……visit.
 
CLIVE- You haven’t told her anything?  I mean she’s like an elephant, that one
 
STAN- What do you mean by that?
 
CLIVE- She’ll do anything for a sticky bun!  What do you think I mean?
 
STAN- Don’t get in a strop, she gets nothing from me
 
CLIVE-That’s not what I’ve heard.
 
STAN- You think I’m soft in the head.
 
CLIVE- Well the less people that know the better. They’re coming down really heavy on this sort of thing.
 
STAN. There’s a law against everything now.
 
CLIVE- So it’s just the 5 of us as usual?
 
STAN-Aye, more or less.
 
CLIVE- What? You mean… who’s dropped out?
 
STAN- No-one’s dropped out. There’s  Derek, Bert’s coming over and Archie said……
 
CLIVE Oh no, you don’t mean…
 
STAN- Archie insisted, he kept going on about it.
 
CLIVE- Lennie Bastow, You agreed to letting Lennie in?
 
STAN- Archie said it would be for the best.
 
CLIVE- He’s got a blind spot where is son is concerned. The lad’s not all there. They don’t call him Loonie Lennie for nothing.
 
STAN- Don’t let Archie hear you calling him that. He beat up those two lads, remember?
They were only kids having a joke. Anyway Lennie is in, unless you want to argue with Archie.
 
CLIVE- I’m  saying I’m  just not happy , is all
 
STAN- Well I must put that in my diary.
 
CLIVE- And just what is that supposed to mean?
 
STAN- It means you were a miserable boy, you were a miserable man and now you are a miserable old man.
 
CLIVE- I’m a year younger than you!
 
STAN- Eight months! But that’s what Archie said;  we’re old men. This is hard and dangerous work, those buggers can put up a fight. We need new blood.
 
CLIVE- I’m not saying he’s wrong……But Loonie Lennie. God help us. We’re supposed to catch the damn things alive. I’ve seen Lennie out hunting, nothing is safe.  Archie’s admitted as much in the past. You remember…
 
STAN- Oh yes, I heard from Bert;  they’re paying the same as last year.
 
CLIVE- It was the same as  that the year before. He should put his foot down
 
STAN-No point. I mean what  can we do with them, take them to the bloody cash and carry?
It’s like Bert said we just are availing ourselves of nature’s bounty.
 
CLIVE- He does talk some shit.
 
STAN- I wonder how he’ll get on with Lennie; if Lennie thinks he’s  taking the piss…
 
CLIVE- See, it’s like I said this is going to be a disaster.
 
STAN- So it’s Next Sunday night at the allotments, then.
 
CLIVE- Lets get down to the Feathers. I can’t handle this sober