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Poetry
Aria
By kitten_princess
24 November 2006
Another one... I think I may develop this one a bit more into something... or maybe not? Not sure.

Please comment! :D

a child was born into a
suburban, unassuming tribe -
The Smiths, The Jacksons?
doesn't matter -

the name, a burden at the best of times
drowned her in promise, hope,
the desire of generations to
get her out;

it fails. I see her dance on
a supermarket stage when I shop,
the bright lights she meets
are only from erratic tills,
the chords of ten scanners blipping
are her backing band.

Mind you, I can't dance either.

Reviews
Hmmmm, Yes
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 24th November 2006
At least I understand this one. Its the old X-factor err factor I think. 
 
Its OK but maybe needs refined a bit IMHO. I'm sure you can dance. 
 
Oli :)

Written by Fledermaus (3482 comments posted) 24th November 2006
Nice poem, but ironically (considering the content) I didn't grasp the rythm. The last line's great.
Yep
Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 24th November 2006
like the idea behind this-agree with Oli, could do with polishing, sounds a bit prosy in places. I like the idea of the last line but I think it needs rewording-it's very prosy at the moment and, for me, a bit at odds with the rest. 
 
I love the supermarket bit-really good. 
 
E

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