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Poetry
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The Blessing
By Heidi
24 November 2006
I wrote this Poem years ago and it was spublished in a charity poetry book but as this is my first posting I would like to read people's comments on an old favourite..

The poeple have gathered from so far and wide
to witness a wedding between groom and bride.
The two say their vows and exchange wedding rings,
a new life ahead is what this joy brings.
Both marriage and wedding are described as the same
and who really knows about what's in a name?
But a wedding's the day when the couple unite,
The vows are just words, day soon turns to night.
Yet, marriage is strong, it's with you for life,
to honour and keep, through trouble and strife.
For the love that you share will eternally fire
and grow with the dreams that you deeply desire.
So, begin your new future and the life that you'll share.
Your bond is so strong that words can't compare.

Reviews
Very wary
Written by Garrulous (108 comments posted) 24th November 2006
Of being overly critical here as it is your first submission so all I will highlight is that I think you have used some words out of context in order to get the rhyme to work. 
 
'dreams that you deeply desire' doesn't really make sense to me, I understood what you were trying to say that they are dreams that they hope will transpire. I think it is because in the context of the sentence I would take dreams and desires to mean the same thing which is why it doesn't work. 
 
'Your bond is so strong that words can not compare' again I think the use of the word 'compare' is out of place here because I think 'describe' is the sense that you are looking for but obviously that would spoil the rhyme. I think compare just leaves the sentence unfinished for me because I read it and thought: Compare to what? 
 
Besides those points I did enjoy the theme of the poem and it is a good message that the wedding is relatively insignificant in relation to the overall scope of marriage. I think with a bit of tidying up it would read quite well. Also you mistyped 'people' in the first line. 
 
Gar. :)

Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 24th November 2006
Enjoyed this, lovely and lighthearted. 
 
Looking forward to more of your work! ;)

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 24th November 2006
If using rhyming couplets, which I often do, I feel you have to be very strict syllabically, some of your lines are longer and shorter, which makes it a bit clumsy. 
 
I've no problems with the word choices as Gar seems to, thats a personal thing, and I can follow the logic OK. 
 
Very nice sentiments. 
 
Oli :)

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 24th November 2006
Read both your pieces and I agree with the other reviewers that the sentiments are worthy although the structure could do with work. For me though they were both a bit trite in places-I struggled to find an edge to them-something I could connect with that would give them more of an impact. Maybe that's just the subject matter-difficult to handle without sounding trite. 
 
Elli

Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 25th November 2006
Beautiful, heartfelt words. Describes the kind of love that most people dream about, but not everyone manages to find. 
 
Well done. :)

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