Day 2
 

After breakfast all the conference participants met in the main hall and found which small group sessions we had been assigned to. I was put into an interviewing group - and I noticed that Ben was in there with me. Just my luck having to deal with him during the day as well as the evening group.

There were five sessions that day - two in the morning, and 2 in the afternoon, with our final small group get together after dinner.

There were six of us in the interviewing group. In turn we each had to play the part of interviewer, interviewee, and observer. The observer had the job of deciding whether the roles had been appropriately played. Ben volunteered to be the first interviewer. someone called Paul was the interviewee and I was the observer. The other three did a similar thing in a different part of the room.

Paul whom Ben interviewed didn’t have a hope. Ben badgered him from the word go. He asked questions that he couldn’t answer and then harangued him for his lack of response. It was painful to watch. After fifteen minutes I was asked for my report.

“I thought the interviewer was aggressive. He asked leading questions which the interviewee didn’t understand, and then proceeded to knock him even further down with comments to belittle him.”

Ben looked taken aback. “I did it just like I would do normally. If he was a strong contender for the job, he would have been able to answer the questions and deal with my comments.”

Our advisor asked Paul how he had felt, “It was okay, I guess.”

“Did you feel he treated you fairly?”

“Well, I didn’t know the answers, so I could hardly be expected to get the job.”

“You didn’t feel patronised or belittled?”

“I don’t suppose so. He was just doing his job, and I wasn’t up to what he wanted.”

“Right, well, I guess that brings up a few points we might like to talk about. Now Jean, why exactly were you so worried about how Ben treated Paul?”

“He seemed like a bully to me. He was badgering him from the word go. It seemed like he had decided that Paul was not going to get the job before he ever opened his mouth.”

“But Paul didn’t think like that. He felt it was a fair test.”

“All right. Maybe I was wrong, but if I had been the interviewee, I would have been upset.”

“But if you had been the interviewee maybe you would have responded differently and tht would have made Ben's comments different too.”

So then we each in turn had to play the other parts. I didn’t make any more observations, and to be fair, Ben, when he was the observer and I was the interviewer, said nice things about me.

I found each session stimulating, but also exhausting. WhenI was in a group with Ben, I became more and more convinced of what a chauvanist pig he was - and this antagonism towards him, which had been building since I had first seen him in his orange jacket had grown until I could hardly be in the same room with him. He so reminded me of the sort of man I couldn’t deal with, and I wasn’t finding it easy to think of solving my problem with men in general by solving my dislike of him.

That evening when our group got together, the overbearing feeling was that none of us wanted to be in that particular grouping. Ben started out telling us how important it was for us to try when giving our responses to the day's activities to, if necessary, change our way of speech in order to fulfil some concept that he thought was important. 

Bob, the twitchy one, said “Okay, I’ll tell you how I feel. I hated it today. Everybody picked on me. Nobody even tried to understand me. I hated each session just like I knew I would and I am thinking of just leaving here tomorrow. It’s such a waste of my time.”

Ben then said, “You came here to be developed. You had better start by changing your attitude. If people are picking on you, it’s because you are asking for it. I can’t stand to see your snivelling ways. I think if you carry on like you have been, you should leave the conference - or at least leave our group. I have had enough of you.”

We were all shocked, and Bob looked almost as if he might start to cry.

“You big bully,” I shouted to Ben, “Of course Bob should stay with our group. It is you who are making us all uncomfortable with your arrogance and insinuations.”

“You have had it in for me from the beginning," Ben shouted back. "I could tell from the word go that you hated me and were just waiting for a chance to get at me. Well, let me tell you this, I am fed up with the way you talk. Waffling - nothing specific - you never seem to put into proper language what you are trying to get across. I wonder if you even bother to think before you speak. ”

We all sat in stunned silence for a minute.

“If you wish to speak to the group, make yourself clear in your use of language,” Ben continued. “You use words that mean nothing and obviously you can’t be bothered to make the effort to learn to use proper management concepts.”

“If we have to rewrite all our thoughts to fit your management concepts we will never have time to say anything,” I countered.

“Just because you hate me you don’t have to project it on the whole group.”

“I don’t hate you. I just hate the way you were bullying Bob. If we don’t do things the way you want them done, you assume that we are in the wrong. I don’t hate you at all. In fact there is something very appealing about you - I could almost say I like you.”

I could hardly believe that I had said that.

“Like - another one of your namby pamby words - what is that supposed to mean? Maybe you think I am nice?”

“I will speak as I like, or I won’t speak at all,” I said, softly this time.

The tension in the room was palpable. For a long time nobody spoke, and then Bill looked straight at me and said, “I will listen to you.”

The rest of the hour passed in awkward tension - various people mentioned things they had enjoyed or not enjoyed doing. I didn’t speak, nor did Bob.  My face was still red and my breathing was far from normal. I felt like I had made a mess of the session by blowing my stack, but it had been almost uncontrollable - my outburst.

I felt it was necessary to say a few words before we left the room.

“I’m sorry I blew up like that.” The others sort of smiled in an embarrassed fashion.

“And Bob, I am sorry I made such a big deal out of your defense. I’m sure you could have handled it yourself if I had given you the chance.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said Bob as he rushed out of the room, relieved that it was finally over.

Then Ben said, “This thing isn’t really what is sounds like at all. This is personal between me and Jean.”

I didn’t know what he meant, but was not about to go into it and was getting ready to go back the lounge for a much needed drink. Ben surprised me by saying to me, “I think we need to talk. I have to make a phone call and then let’s go and have a G and T.”

I was still so wound up that I knew I couldn’t relax, so I figured we might as well discuss our differences face to face over a drink and perhaps make things a bit easier in the future. It took him quite awhile to make his phone call, and all the time I stood their waiting, feeling like a fool.

We bought out own drinks - Ben sort of apologizing for not buying mine. “I wouldn’t have let you buy it,” I retorted.

When we sat down at a small table away from the others, Ben surprised me by saying in a rather gentle voice, “Some man must have really hurt you in the past.”

Taken aback by this, I just sat there - not saying anything.

“You must agree with me that Bill is a twit. Why did you defend him?”

“He is only a kid. He needs this sort of help more than any of us. He reminds me of somebody and I felt I had to save him from you.”

He smiled, and had a sip of his drink. “Boy you surely surprised me by standing up to me like that. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“You just annoyed me by your taking charge and trying to make us agree to your agenda - rather than letting us talk about what the rest of us might or might not want to do.”

“Okay, fair enough. I’ll try to back off a little. But somebody had to take charge. Talk about a bunch of do-nothings. Nobody else was going to discuss anything.”

“We were all tired, and perhaps not really knowing what we are supposed to be doing. I, for one, felt that you and your attitude were far more than I could cope with after our busy day.”

“I often seem to have an effect on the fairer sex. I remember one conference where this woman got a fixation on me and I could hardly shake her off.”

“No need to worry about that from me.”

“Well, let’s hope it all works out better tomorrow. Friends?” he said, and put out his hand.

“Okay, I’ll do my best,” and I smiled back at him and shook his hand.

After that I went to my room, greatly anticipating my bed and a good night’s sleep. But I couldn’t sleep. All I could think of was Ben, and my thoughts were not at all what I had expected them to be. I was beginning to realise, and I think he already knew, that I was attracted to him. 

I was nearly asleep when I heard a light knock on my door. It wasn’t repeated and I didn’t get up.  But as I finally fell into a restless sleep, I wondered, just wondered what would happened if I got up to answer it.