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Poetry
Hunger
By Rain_in_the_hills
28 November 2006
A poem of unceasing, uncontrollable hunger and passion for power ........

Her laughter rung through the air,

like a shot from a gun

 It was harsh, shrill, jarring to the senses of the blind vision that clouded the focus

The bird still tried to fly..........

its blood added a crimson tint to the setting sun, an angry end to a restless day,

It opened its beak, to recieve its last mouthful of sky,

But a searing pain shot through its veins, and the wings felt heavy....

She laughed still, as the Death slowly entrapped the helpless freedom.

A disfigured carcass of beauteous bounty fell to the grond and grovelled in the dirt,

The brown soil splattered with curious vermillion, it twittered the last complaint, and lay still,

She still laughed, a terrifying laugh, a ceaseless gurgling of insane passion

She looked up at the crimson sky, a hunger ravaged her insides....

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 28th November 2006
Hmmmm....I'm not sure how I feel about this, especially the structure...there's certainly some powerful sounding language in here. I might come back later... 
 
Elli

Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 28th November 2006
Before I rushed to a harsh review of this balderdash, I went to check on your profile - a sudent, eh? So probably young, certainly confused, on the cusp between childhood fantasy and the reality of adult life. 
 
Having said that, now I'll tell you exactly what I think of this; 
 
A waste of 30 seconds of my dwindling life. 
 
Oli :upset

Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 28th November 2006
Hmm. There's a certain cadence to your words that make this very attractive to the ear. The pulse is strong. Everything is there to make this a strong piece of work - and yet I feel a bit empty when I finish. The closest I can get to describing what I mean is that I don't think there's anything of much substance here. Pretty, cleverly linked words are not enough.  
 
It could be my stupidity to see beyond the obvious of what you have written. PLease don't take my review too hard. As Elli has said, there is some powerful sounding language here - I like much of this - it just needs a worthy subject. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

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