Great Writing - Home > Poetry > 3 generations
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 899 guests online and 1 member online
Poetry
3 generations
By sueas
28 November 2006
 
3 generations
 
 
‘I’ve lost an inch’ She said,
clouded eyes smiling
 
Her face lit up
‘that’s what he said,
how could that be’?
 
She’s seventy five
Arthritis in her spine and
now 5 foot 3.
 
She’s lost 6 inches, two dress sizes
down and shrinking
 
She’s forty  six
The pounds fall away
‘Tell me how’ ?
 
She’s got the divorce
He ran up the debt
3 kids and what now?
 
She’s on Whitsun island
Big brown eyes sparkling
 
I’m living my life
How good does this get?
How great to be free ?
 
She has many miles to go
Much life to be lived
At just twenty three.

Reviews

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 28th November 2006
I like this and think this has possibilities, but I am a little confused about who is on Whitsun island -- perhaps this is because of the switch from 'she' to 'I' -- is the 23-year-old the narrator? Perhaps others will find this clearer than I, but if I were you, I would stick to 'she' here.

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 28th November 2006
No, I'm afraid I was a little confused too. Good idea this. I love a generational tale and like Witzl think this has potential. Just a little work yet. However, as Witzl says, perhaps others will disagree. 
 
Keep writing, 
 
Phil.
She and I
Written by sueas (8 comments posted) 29th November 2006
Thanks for your comments. 
The penultimate verse should read 'She's living her life..' 
The final verse should also start 'She's. 
Originally I was thinking that the 23 year old was saying how she was having a good time. She is unaware of the real difficulties of the older women. 
What does this do to it? 
 
Cheers

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item