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Poetry
THE LONG WAIT
By JohnnyD
29 November 2006
 
THE LONG WAIT

 
The sound of the second’s hand

Beating like the drums

Getting louder n louder

As patience is pitied against promise

 
Walking up n down

Looking at the watch

The growing impatience

Brings in various unpleasant thoughts

 
It’s the curse words

Keeping company for a while

As time is ticking

Marching ahead all the time

 
Network jams the call

As fingers punch the numbers on the cell

Much to dislike n discomfort

Engage tone irritates to death

 
She doesn’t arrive

As he gets wild

Time laughs aloud

Mocking the promise of the two

 
Tired of walking up n down

He sits on the stone

Holding his head in disbelief

Minutes change into hours

 
Praying, wishing everything good

He folds his hands in despair

As meeting turns into a long wait

Rendezvous turns into a nightmare

 
Laughing, enjoying without the two

The world seems so callous

Promises broken, she never arrives

Oh, what a long wait it was!

 
Johnny D

29th November 2006

 

Reviews
Stood up
Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 29th November 2006
A clear poem and a nice and detailed observation.

Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 29th November 2006
Still improving Johnny. Try using 'and' instend of 'n.' 
 
Lked the fourth line, but should it have been 'pitted against?' 
 
Phil.
Good
Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 30th November 2006
Yes, better to use "and." This was a good poem, with good detail, as Fledermaus said. Did he think he may have waited at the wrong place? When my daughter met her husband on their first date, they each waited at separate car parks by mistake. After 30 minutes he asked someone if there was another car park. He arrived just as she was leaving - 12 years and two children ago.

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