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Poetry
what has man done
By horror4lover
29 November 2006
cheerful woods
not a scream
not a howl
not man
nor a woman
just animals
safe in these chearfull woods

Beyond these woods
is a buitiful vally
not a scream
not a howl
not a man
nor woman
just animals
safe in this buitiful vally

Beyond the buitiful vally
are snow covered mountains
not a scream
not a howl
not a man
nor woman
just animals
in this snow covered mountain

whats this then
a man with a machine
theres a sceam
theres a howl
theres a man
evan a woman
because of this man with his machine

the chearful woods
not a tree
not a flower
not an animal
no grass
nor a weed

the buitifull valley
not a stream
not a bush
not an animal
no grass
nor a weed

the snow coverd mountains
not the cold breeze
no white clouds (but black)
not an animal
no grass
not evan a snow flake

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3484 comments posted) 29th November 2006
In spite of the many typos, and the unusual style, I think this worked. 
Especially this line was nice: 
"no white clouds (but black)" 
 

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 29th November 2006
This worked really well. Much better than your other poem today. Personally I'd leave the last verse out. You've made it clear what has happened already, it overstates the case a little. 
 
It is always going to worth the time to edit your work to remove as many errors as you can. If you write in Word, many of your errors will be underlined for you. 
 
Well done. 
 
Phil.
I'd love to
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 29th November 2006
continue reading your poem, but I really have to say that I can't because of all the spelling and English mistakes. Have you yet checked this before posting it - or are they mistakes that you don't even know you've made. Please correct it and I will come back for a proper read. Thanks.

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