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Poetry


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By horror4lover

29 November 2006

Life is a wierd thing
no one knows how we became
or what we all to become

why is there life
whats the purpose
im confused

why is there elaphant
why is the trees
come to think of it why is there humans

what happens when you die
where do you go
do you come back or somthing

im confusing my self
iv gotta stop
so i STOP

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 29th November 2006

Thank god!

Slow down a bit H4L. Don't swamp us all with all your stuff at once. Work on one, refine, improve, post and wait.

Everything I've read of yours so far seems a little rushed and so a little rough too.

Chill, take your time.

Your poem: as with all of your stuff so far, it needs a really good proof. I guess this goes with the previous as a pair. This is just one review, so don't despair: they don't do much for me I'm afraid. It's like listening to Tigger do philosophy - unique idea, but doesn't work.

All the best,

Phil.

Why?
Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 30th November 2006

As Phil comments:
You have very intersting ideas. But take your time when you write them down.

Great googly moogly!
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 30th November 2006

"wEIrd" spelling
"are" missing in line 3
apostrophes missing all over the place (I'm, I've)
mixed up between the singular "is" and the plural "are"
Som(e)thing - spelling
Myself is one word not two
"I" should really be capital

Far too many errors for a tiny poem - take the advice of Phil and Batty - check it through before you post!

Oli

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