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Poetry
The Watchtower
By maipenrai
07 June 2005
Told by a Roman Soldier, but could be Iraq / Afghanistan today

It seems so long ago

since I felt the warm sun of my homeland

we had come to this bleak dismal land

in the service of the Emperor

so many years ago

I have forgotten how many

I have comrades around me who

would lay down their lives

for our friendship

Yes , I am blessed with their love

Yet

I long so much for my homeland

so far away across the plains

and mountains of the Empire

My Wife, My Children

I pray to the God Mars

that one day I will see them again

 

at night in this watchtower

a mans mind can wander

a dangerous pastime

on Hadriens Wall

Reviews
good first draft
Written by kevinrobson73 (390 comments posted) 7th June 2005
great concept 
i'd leave out the location 
then it could be anyone on duty in any era 
sort of timeless 
some odd words have crept in 
eg i have comrades - after how many?
the
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 8th June 2005
Thanks Kevin for your comments 
 
what is wrong with the word "comrades| ? 
 
Thanks 
Bernie

Written by whitewolf (7 comments posted) 9th June 2005
If this is about a communist country it is fine, but like 'hadrien's wall' it can't be just anywhere.  
 
Told by a Roman Soldier, but could be Iraq/ Afghanistan today 
 
Other than that, well done. :grin
The Universal Soldier
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 9th June 2005
The Universal Timeless Soldier

Written by alandavidpritchard (59 comments posted) 16th June 2005
Dude - i have read most of what you have posted on here, and the more I read, the more I like.  
I think the key to this poem is the second last line, which I feel, could almost be used as the title. Perhaps, if this aspect had been explored more, the poem would have more weight.  
You have a simple, unadorned style that carries much impact, and I am looking forward to more of your work.

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