READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1795 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Bonfires
By ellipinnock
01 December 2006
Another not-quite-finished piece I'm afraid

We stood, mittened hand in hand
at the foot of the allotment. Waiting
for explosions whilst Mum bustled
to and fro from the car,
tiptoeing between rows of leeks
whilst balancing a thermos of tea
and baked potatoes wrapped in foil.
We ripped into them, burning fingers,
lips and tongues; barely able to taste.

Earlier that day we had helped to pile
old furniture, fence panels and branches
to make a throne for Guy Fawkes.
Doused in paraffin, it explodes into light
at the touch of a match. Crackling into the heavens
as Guy burns, mounted on a chair leg.

Across in the east a petrol bomb
explodes; this time the whole street
is consumed by the blaze.
Children run from their houses.
Parents follow, dragging what they can
from the blaze. They have played this out
too many times before.

Another explosion and this time real flesh
burns atop the bonfire. Unlucky this time.
New screams echo into the night; terror,
sorrow, tempered for some with relief
that this time it is not their son, mother
or lover who burns.

It begins to rain, stealthily at first,
but soon rivulets turn to torrents.
We sulk as we squelch disconsolately towards the car
in wellies, fireworks abandoned. They give thanks
as the fire begins to gutter out.
At least possessions, unlike faces,
may be salvaged from the wreckage.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 1st December 2006
Elli, there's always something about your writing that draws me in. This is no exception. Loved the first two verses of this and they contrast so well with the rest. The particular and pleasant to the general and horrific. 
 
I hope you won't mind me pointing out something. The last line and a half of the first verse didn't quite fit (in its tone) for me. Reread a couple of times and I think it's because it's a general comment following specific ones. 
 
 
Anyway. Really liked this Elli. Srong piece. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil. 

Written by GILLY (4 comments posted) 1st December 2006
Elli, 
liked the comparison of fires. It doesn't come out like preaching but alittle nudge of what you see and think. 
gilly
Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 1st December 2006
I could visualise the bonfire party - but no treacle toffee. And then the comparison was very powerful stuff. We play around with fire and so many are living with it. 
 
Very good piece.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 2nd December 2006
I liked the comparison you made here too. Death by fire in the here-and-now is a terrifying thing, and yet you celebrate Guy Fawkes' Day here and we celebrate the 4th of July in the States, and for all that our enjoyment of these holidays is innocent, there is something sinister in the history.  
 
The last two lines in particular were fine, Elli.
Thanks
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 2nd December 2006
I'm glad the comparison came off ok, kind of sprang out of nowhere. 
 
Phil- you're right, i've changed the last line of the stanza a bit and think it's better now :) 
 
Elli
Ouch!
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 2nd December 2006
Hooligans or terrorists? 
I think that sometimes there isn't much difference. Somehow it seems that bonfires are just asking for trouble... 
Strong poem.

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 2nd December 2006
I hate bonfire night, fireworks and the whole shebang, so do my little dogs. I love Elli's writing, so do my little dogs (I read it to them).  
 
Celebrating nyone getting burned alive is grotesqe - time it was all banned. As for Christmas...I love it! 
 
Oli

Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 3rd December 2006
Loved the analogy Elli. Cosy world meets real world. You know me Elli,.like my poetry to rhyme, but I liked this. 
 
happy writing 
Woody

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd December 2006
Thanks to all  
 
Elli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item