|
By Talisker
|
|
02 December 2006 |
My brain is such a precious jewel,
safely wrapped in cotton wool,
nestling in a case of bone,
dreaming of the twilight zone.
My heart is just a lazy pump,
abandoned in a rubbish dump,
clogged with septacaemic blood,
evil humours, silt and mud.
My eyes are peep-holes to a soul,
hard as diamond, black as coal,
take a look and say a prayer,
someone like me died in there.
Oli 2/12/06
|
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | Blimey Oli, this is a very striking piece but deeply disturbing to read. There's a strange beauty to this but I hope it's not too personal.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | Powerful piece Oli. Very effective words make for uncomfortable reading. As Elli, hope this isn't too personal.
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | | What can this be but personal? And yet -- it is beautiful. | Dead soul?
Written by Fledermaus (3321 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | A bit depressed?
A powerful poem indeed. | Not very cheerful -
Written by Josie (2796 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | | But not meant to be, Oli. Powerful, but rather frightening for me I think, but I can see that you have put a lot of thought into it from your cottonwool wrapped brain. Well done! |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | Would that my brain might be as full
As Oli's wrapped in cotton wool
Forget your soul, your brain, your heart
And simply concentrate on art |
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 2nd December 2006 | pretty powerful, oli. Liked the last stanza.. but... what does 'septacaemic ' mean?  sorry... | Arresting
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 3rd December 2006 | A really arresting piece of writing, Oli. Near Gothic in its effect-- in the true sense of that much misunderstood term. I would not have been surprised to see Fuselli's Horse Head pop out from the page. Ironic that this piece of quality appears subsequent to two blasts from Megaphone Man appearing subsequent to you. A timely lesson to any who care to take it that the carefully chosen word is at the heart of poetry not opinionated pop up public posters.
Unlike some of the others above it seems to me to matter little whether or not it is personal in so much as it is personally effective. Which it most certainly is. Eye catching use of metaphor. A skill I always enjoy
Well done.
Slan! | Thanks folks!
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 3rd December 2006 | Personal, but nothing to worry about, very retrospective.
rilLie - septacaemic = concerned with blood poisoning
Oli  |
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 6th December 2006 | | oohh. thanks. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
