READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 3193 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
Dressing
By no1butClo
06 December 2006
I have just started a new notebook, my musings and poems having been homeles these few weeks previous. I think it has shaken things up a bit but i'm pleased with what I've done so far - silly as it is to blame such changes for better or worse literature.

Thanks to Jon, for The Birthday Present.


Closing the door I lean
against it, exhale gently,
savouring the breeze.

Heaving at my coat I feel
it fall to the carpet,
crumple with a shrug.

I slip burning feet from achy shoes
and step to face myself, my twin;

she copies me - but I do not care - 
as I expose shoulders,
ankles, hips and knees,
the frame.

Leather and wool
and silk, replaced by lace
then skin on skin, warm
glowing.

I face her again,
in all her glory, growing
pains and vanity
yet she seems full;

fully dressed,
belle of the ball.

Reviews
Beautiful...
Written by kitten_princess (31 comments posted) 6th December 2006
The poem [and the poet!] 
 
Another gorgeous piece. I can't say much more, I just loved it. It's all there. Good job. :) 
 
Kitten xx

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th December 2006
I'm umming a bit about this one clo. I really like the beginning to this...I get stuck at, 'myself, my twin' - do you need both? 
 
Then leather and wool and silk almost feels like one too many for me although I see where you're coming from... 
 
I think I like it though, definitely intriguing 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 7th December 2006
Like the first six lines of this very much. They create a sense of time and place. The things Elli mentions also struck me. The very last line leaves me a bit cold. Could be my interpretation. 
 
Well worth a read though. 
 
All the best, Phil.

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 8th December 2006
I like it, notwithstanding the anomalies pointed out above - remember sweet Elli is a microbiologist (?) and Pip is a pedagogue (?)  
 
I bet this didn't just leave Pip a bit cold, you must have had the goose bumps too. I avoid all reflective surfaces these days, I have a full length mirror, but I can't find a full width one anywhere.  
 
Perhaps this was a bit rushed(?) - the second half does seem a bit literal, not too poetic, lacking in your usual Clo-ness. Still, well worth the read to get the salacious imagination wheels turning of a morning :eek  
 
Help! My pomegranate & acai berry juice has just sent me an urgent message! Thats all folks! 
 
Oli

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 8th December 2006
I love this; can't really point out any flaws, a rare thing. Simple but lovely. I like the language, the spacing of the words and the ending in particular :)

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item