Elemental Existence.
What is it that can now compel me ?
Water , Fire or Air or Earth ?
What has made me , and will dispel me
taking me forward from my birth ?
Water it was that first I knew
at the moment I was born ,
when I from the womb they drew
crying my childish cry forlorn.
Fire inflamed my early years,
burned me , soul and body both :
drove me onwards through all fears ,
implacably shaping my searching growth .
I could never reach the bounds of air
though winds of change could always shift me:
the lightness of being was rarely there
to allow elusive air to lift me .
Shackled now, tied down and held .
Earth will never let me roam
but keeps me bonded tight , compelled :
and will remain my lasting home.
|
wow
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
as ever patterjack wonderful verse!!!
i like the theme of the elements in this and the way that you explore each seperately and connect an element to different stages in life.
great writing
Brook  |
The Tide of Life
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
| I thought your imagery was really good, Brian. I often feel as if we are carried along on life's current, not knowing what hard rocks will hit us as we go. I'm not sure about the fire of early years - unless it is something personal. My imagery of early years is of floating on a cloud, but then one day you come down to earth with a bang and realize what the reality of life is all about. Brian, if I had to say something was a little wrong, it was just the second line of the fourth verse, which seems a little stretched compared to the rest of your excellent poem. To sum up: I liked your poem very much. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3446 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
I felt I could relate to this in a lot of ways Yes, we all lead an elemental existence, tied to the elements but maybe not in teh order you have put. I dont see them affecting stages of our lives but all 4 affecting us every day. When i did my pottey I used to joke that I controlled the elements to make my work: the basic material- clay, fire for the kiln.air and water used to mould the clay. The closest I ever got to playing God.(Ok only joking)
I'm sorry you feel shackled and bonded by the earth. I prefer to think we are part of it and as such have great freedom. It's not a prison but a garden. sorry if that sounds a it wet- just a reaction to a great bit of verse
cheers
J |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
Moving poem Brian. Jane's right, they effect us all, but not necessarily in that order. This is your poem though, in the first person, more than a perfectly valid order I'd say.
I found the last verse the most powerful (and depressing) as that's the verse that could most be applied to one and all.
Just stay above ground for now.
All the best, Phil. |
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
I'm not very good at reviews, and my words probably aren't worth much, but this is one of the best poems I have read on this site in a long time. As others have said, some very powerful images - just beautiful.
I realise this is p*** poor as reviews go, but I just could not let this one pass without commenting, as it really touched me. |
thank you all
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 7th December 2006 |
Order of choice of elements ? It just seemed logical to me personally . It is designed as a parabola . If there is one main thing among the many that I don't like about it , it's the fact that it is designed .
It was an interesting exercise-- I hope I can find the words now to treat the four humours as a parallel piece .
patterjack |
Love it
Written by ainsel (56 comments posted) 8th December 2006 |
As usual you create a complete story with just the right number of words wrapped around an enchanting central framework. Structure, discipline, restraint and deep emotion; this is how it's done.
ainsel |
Lovely work!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 8th December 2006 |
That hat seems to be sitting fairly well atop the venerable pate!
What can I add to the approbation above? Just that I read and weep, that I don't have the intelligence, sophistication, subtelty to write like this.
I've no problem with your alchemic or Galilean parabolic theory - but I take it you are being religious when you contest that it is "designed" - I part company with you there! You know my views on that sophistry!
I think all your work shines with a rare light, that of genius.
Oli |
I should have said
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 8th December 2006 |
constructed to a deliberate pattern -- I am not into Creative Design-- e specially as I am an atheist !
patterjack |
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