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In the Dirty Canals
By rilLie
08 December 2006
doodled this on a spare piece of paper while listening to some rock. Anyway, there are no classes today for us since it's the Immaculate Conception and I am dead bored....

In the dirty canals,
can you see the face of God?

In the birds chirping atop the tree,
could you hear the sound of faith?

In the aromas escaping each home,
could you smell the scent of the Lord?

In the touch of a child,
could you feel God's grace?

And, in me, if I may,
Do you see God?

Reviews

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 8th December 2006
Very nice, I like how you left everything open with a question - there could be any answer, depending on how we all look at life. 
 
One teeny thing, I don't know if this was the effect you wanted, or if it matters, but the first line casts a very contrasting image to the other things you've described: dirty canal / chirping birds etc... 
It took away from the overall feel slightly.  
But I'm just one person - perhaps it has a deeper meaning that I can't see! 
 
All in all though, I liked it! :grin 
 
Best wishes, 
E 
 

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 8th December 2006
Writing and reading is all about personal response. For me, this a lovely piece. It made me respond in my muddled up agnostic way - possibly not the way you intended me to respond - but at least you caused a reaction. 
 
Well done. 
 
All the best, Phil.

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 8th December 2006
thankee! :grin

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 9th December 2006
This does have a simple kind of elegance about it rilLie but it is a little muddled. The first stanza seems like a different poem entirely to the rest of the piece. I liked the first two lines and the last two lines very much, they have an almost prayer-like quality to them but, for me, the middle doesn't quite fit. Worth a rewrite maybe as you have time on your hands! There is definitely something in this... 
 
Elli

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 9th December 2006
yeah.. i do feel a bit like that was well, elli... maybe i'll edit it later.... :grin
RiLie
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 10th December 2006
No RiLie, I don't see God's face in a dirty canal. The canal is man-made and the dirtiness is man-made. But I see God's glory in the red sky of this morning, with the trees reflected in the redness of the little lake behind our house. That was God-made indeed. The rest of your poem was so good. I am sure you can change the first verse. In you - yes - I see God shining.

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 11th December 2006
thankee. :D

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