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Poetry
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Breathe
By rilLie
09 December 2006
another doodle... I've got four days with nothing to do!!!!!

I'm fallin' for you
and you alone
could break
my fall.

I'm forgettin' to breathe
when I'm with you.
How odd,
for I've known
how to
for over a decade.

And I've known you
for less than a year.
And I've known that feeling
ever since.

But now, I've lost you
in less
than thirty
minutes.

Now my heart weeps,
and I stop falling.
But at least,
I'm learnin'
to breathe
Again.

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 9th December 2006
This reads almost like a lyric to me...and quite a good one at that. I did laugh at, 
 
'I'm forgettin' to breathe 
when I'm with you. 
How odd, 
for I've known 
how to 
for over a decade.' 
 
The way you worded that made me think that there was a time in your life when you didn't know how to breathe - I hope it was a very short time :) I did like that stanza though. 
 
Liked it 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 9th December 2006
Yep, as Elli, this sounded like lyrics - nothing wrong with that though. I too liked the verse that Elli picked out. Consensus! 
 
All the best, Phil.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 9th December 2006
rilLie, this is the way to doodle! I am a doodler too, and I am happy to see another doodler getting on with things.  
 
I think your first stanza is great: a clever play on words and a clever image. The part about forgetting to breathe made sense to me, too. I remember feeling like that . . .
nice..
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 9th December 2006
I liked this lots - I can only repeat what was said before(the bit about forgetting to breath etc) so I wont bore you with my ramblings! ;) 
 
Best wishes, 
 
E :)

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 9th December 2006
to all who reviewed, thankee!!!!!!!! 
 
elli - I don't remember, lol. :grin  
 
witzl - fellow doodler!!!!!!!!! -hug- 
 
jan/esra - s'alright. i like ramblings. :grin  
 
thankee again!!!!!!!!!!

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