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Poetry
Carnage
By JodhiDee
10 December 2006

Vibrant and red was the blood that dripped from its horns.
The splendor of colour was a betrayal of the scene, which whispered and seeped away into the drains.  
Even the bull’s head hung low
As the silence gagged and dragged the colour from the plaza.
The magnificent beasts sweat rolls off its ribs,
Which rise up
And down,
Long and hard
Saliva dripping from its slack jaws darkening the sand with its low hung muzzle.
A cruel decoration runs along it’s back of
colorful harpoons.

As the bulls horns drip with the blood of the matador who lays as a shell
In front of it.  His traje de luces, now seems inappropriate,
too flamboyant for the air of death.
Like loud chatter in an old church hall.

It’s reward and glorious prize;
A first-class trip to the nearest abattoir.

Lance out its eyes and dismember its body
what was whole take it and pull it apart
rubbed out and re-drawn,
Living becomes meat.
The entertained now want to be the fed.

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 10th December 2006
I wuite liked the last line of this and there were, for me, flashes of nice imagery. However, overall, I thought it was a bit overdone which spoiled the impact for me. Nice twist in thought at the end. 
 
Elli

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 13th December 2006
I like the last stanza and the last line in particular, but I think that this poem is a little top-heavy.  
 
Perhaps if you rewrote the first stanza and divided the long lines into smaller sections, this would scan better. There are so many good things about this poem, that all you really have to do is rearrange them into more absorbable bits.  
 
Finally, watch the apostrophes -- 'beast's head' instead of 'beasts head' and 'its' instead of 'it's' for possessive.

Written by JodhiDee (15 comments posted) 15th December 2006
Thank you, I do come here for advice and it's really appreciated when people provide. Thanks j xx

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