From PAT'S WEXFORD WHACKY WIKIPEDIA.

Obituary. General Augustine Finn O' Shea.


All Ireland is in mourning for the late General Finn O'Shea whose death was recently reported on RTE. Born in 1915 in Belsen Street, Ballykillin, he joined the German Army to fight the British and subsequently retired to South America after the Second World War along with fellow members of the Waffen SS Arian Vegetable Growers Association. He rose to become El Presidente for Life of the Pablo Escabar Allotment Club of Chile and was a frequent contributor to Gardeners' Question Time, speaking on such diverse horticultural subjects as embezzlement; international narcotics smuggling and mass homicide.

Paying tribute to him, Taoiseach, Bertie ' Two Brains' Aherne told an incredulous and mutinous assembly of the Dail that a minute's silence would be held between 11.00 and 11.30 am throughout Ireland to honour the memory of the liberator of so many imprisoned banknotes, and who is credited with bringing freedom to the poor and downtrodden of the Southern Americas. Whether they liked it or not.

Fielding questions such as, ' How th' feck's we's goin' t' know if there's a silence if no bastard sez nothin'?.....An what about them what's gone AWOL over there!? The disappeared? ', the testy Taoiseach, not known for his patience with questions, produced a response worthy of the old hero Generalissimo himself.

' Shut yous feckin' gob! Or yous'll go disappearin' pronto youselves!! Sure a deaf, dumb, blind donkey could soon as tell you he's seen what he's heard!! Which is more than can be said f' them poor barmy reds what got on th' wrong side o' th' feckin' ol' Chilean Chieftain. Disappeared!!??... DISAPPEARED!!!!???? Jeeeeeeze! I'll give yous feckin' disappeared!!!! Tommy Cooper eat my pants!! First you sees a bunch o' lippy Commies.....Hey!! .... Then you don't!!.....Just like that!! ....Not like that!!.... Like that!!...

And with that the Fianna Fail firebrand pops on a Fez; shouts ' Viva Los Faschistas!!! '
and before you can say ' Human Rights ' the whole bellyaching bastard Opposition Front Bench gets lifted by the Guardai, framed and fitted up in a concrete suit. No questions asked! As the Generalissimo himself was fond of saying: ' Now that's what I calls Democracy!' 

Speaking of which, the General got a chance to try it out himself when, on a trip to visit absent friends still standing, he came to England. Would you believe the brass neck of some folks, some cheeky Dego tried to have him arrested!! Of course he reacted with his customary resourcefullness, by telling the Plods ' You'll never credit this but I've just come over a bit Pat an' Mick!!.... Get me OJ Simpson's Lawyers! '. Straight off he beat the phoney rap and gets a buckshee six month holiday and all expenses paid return flight thrown in! That's style for you!! Small wonder the seriously slippery honcho has become an icon for the [about to be ] seriously dispossessed all over the world!

Unlike so many of his old compadres, his funeral took place after he was dead; a concept he would have found quite foreign and even amusing. As a tribute to his life many of those deemed to have irrevocably disappeared without trace turned up again to mark his passing, including Martin Bormann, Donald Crowhurst, Lord Lucan, Two Dodos and a Dinosaur , Robert Maxwell, Six Million Semites in Search of a Square Meal and Ronnie Briggs with a siutcase containing the £24 Million proceeds of  the Northern Irish Bank blagh. The ceremony was conducted by fellow Irish absentee, Shergar.

He is survived by his deeds.

General Augustine Finn O'Shea 1915 -- 2006. Rest in Peace; as assuredly as your victims now rest in pieces.


(c) Your immortal buddy, Francisco Franco Connolly.