I promise I'll go back to poetry as soon as Snodders goes back to short stories.... :) and preferably before I get sacked!

ps. rereading it occurred to me that if you havent heard the actual news story this may come across as complete gibberish (which it is of course but that's a secret)

The results of a smoking study in the Glasgow area, released today, indicated that smokers of both sexes were more likely to be prescribed Viagra than non-smokers. This has been hailed as a major victory by anti-smoking lobby groups who gave a written statement in which they condem smokers as, 'murderers of unborn children everywhere' and advise couples trying to conceive to barricade themselves into their houses in order to escape the ubiquitous smoke. The results have also been welcomed by IVF practitioners and health officials who described the study as a major breakthrough in scientific research into infertility.

A spokesman for Patricia Hewitt said, 'This is a fantastic development and we aim to act on this swiftly by ensuring that people who recklessly endanger their health in this way are excluded from having IVF on the NHS. This will, in turn free up the budget so that other life-saving treatments which have been pre-approved by NICE can be added onto the list of permitted treatments.'

This is good news for those seeking breast enlargement surgery or teeth whitening as both of these procedures have made it onto the new shortlist. An eminent medical panel consisting of Patricia Hewitt, Simon Cowell and Bruce Forsyth will be ranking the new proposed treatments which will then go on to face a public vote to decide which treatment will win a year-long contract with the NHS worth £5 billion.

Anyone affected by the issues on this broadcast and wishing to quit smoking as a result is advised to call 118 118 for directions to their nearest French GP or alternatively visit a clinic in the Glasgow area where they will be prescribed either Zyban or Sildenafil on a lottery basis.