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By Snodlander
13 December 2006
Isn't it odd how, if you repeat or study a word for too long, it loses all meaning, and then is free to take on an entirely different persona?

I've always thought that Chlamydia would make a charming girls name.  I can see her now, a middle class Victorian woman, unlucky in love, but consoling herself with studying botany.  Maybe in middle age her illustrated book of English hedgerow flowers was finally published.

In the silence of the deserted classroom he started to transfer the latest homework marks into the register.  The official school year was just two weeks old, still fresh.  The world-weary cynicism of the slow lead up to July had been washed away (or at least faded some), and a new class was growing.

It was odd, he reflected, how different each class was.  You’d think that with 30 kids of the same age, the class personality would average out from one year to the next, but it never did.  Sometimes a class was fun-loving, sometimes earnest.  A class could be hungry for learning, or sated before it had even started.  It could be hostile or friendly.  Non-teaching friends would ask, horror on their face, how he could teach the same class year in and year out.  He had given up trying to explain that it was only the subject that was the same; the class was different every year.

But of course, the class personality was an amalgam of all the individual personalities of the kids.  There were standard pigeon-holes that the kids could be dropped into, but the mix, the conflicts, the compromises all swirled around to make up the class unique each year.  Not even each year.  It was a constantly evolving creature as individuals waxed and waned, barging and colliding through their growing pains.

And at the end of two weeks he prided himself on being able to identify by name each of his charges.  He picked up the next book. 

John Edwards.  A head completely dominated by hair and freckles.  The hair was bushy, tangled and sprung out at impossible angles, even though it was kept relatively short.  It stayed just shy of ginger.  His freckles crowded so close that they almost become one monster freckle.  He was bright, but hid it from his peers.  He stood out enough from his friends without inviting undue attention.  So his homework marks were high, but he wouldn’t volunteer answers in class.

The next book.

Anne Kelly.  Sassy.  Took on the boys in verbal fencing, and usually won.  She would defend her clique like a tigress.  Any boy that dissed her posse would know about it (Did one still diss a posse, or was that just last year?).  She had strong opinions, and would express them well, loudly and often.  If he let her, she would drown out the other quieter class members.  She was a leader.  If he wanted to convince the class of something, he would try first to convince her.

The next book.

Thomas Meyer.  He was bright.  Very bright, though you wouldn’t know it.  He had become bored very quickly.  Within days he had decided that the teachers could teach him nothing that he either did not know, or could do without.  If he could be engaged in a subject, he would exhibit a phenomenal intellect.  The problem was that the three R’s didn’t engage him.  Not until he had discovered Meyer’s passion.  Who would have thought that the class tough would be a budgerigar enthusiast?  It was exhausting trying to work it into English essays, and Maths was just impossible.  All he could hope for was that whilst enthusing about the birds, he might accidentally learn enough not to disgrace himself during SATS.

The next book.

Anne.  He frowned.  He couldn’t place the name.  Odd.  He looked up the map of the class.  For the first term he had them sit in alphabetical order, the better to memorise who they were.  Then he looked at her desk.  Still a blank.  Very odd.  There was her chair, in front of Adrian Perkins, behind Thomas Meyer.  He thought back over the day.  His mind completely blanked out any reference to the girl.

He checked the register.  She had attended every day so far this term.  Yet still he could not recall her face.  Even more worrying, he couldn’t recall a single interaction with her.  He felt it important to draw an answer from everyone in the class, even the shy ones, at least once a day.  He was particular about it, noting the shrinking violets and ensuring at least one directed question at each.  But he had not done so, as far as he could remember, for Anne.  Definitely not today.  Maybe not this week.

Her surname was Irish.  Could he recall an Irish brogue in class?  No.  Not that she was necessarily Irish.  Her forebears could have come from the Old Country generations ago.  This was most curious.  He would definitely have to make a point of talking to her tomorrow.

He transferred her mark across and reached for the next book.

Adrian Perkins.  Like Meyer, difficult to engage.  Unlike Meyer, not too bright at all.  He wore a surly expression during lessons, and rarely smiled during break.  He would need extra attention, perhaps even some Special Needs tutoring later.

He was going to do something tomorrow.  What was it?  The doubt nagged at his mind.  He had meant to do something, something he thought important.  No, it had gone.  Oh well, it couldn’t have been that important after all.

He wrote Perkins’ mark down in the column, underneath Anne O’Nimmitty’s, and reached for the next book.

Reviews
Names
Written by Fledermaus (3321 comments posted) 13th December 2006
Always fascinating, how teachers can remember all those names. I can understand that after a year they know them, but somehow they always manage to know the names after a few days, and not only that, but they know them of every class! 
 
Last year I attended a lecture of a certain professor. I was waiting in the corridor, he greeted me and... he knew my name, while the last time he had lectured me was 2 years before, and I had been among a huge crowd then... 
 
Teachers are strange creatures ;)

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 13th December 2006
Mmmm - liked this. I was chuckling about the intro until I got about half way through. Spoilt Anne O'Nimmity somewhat for me! Enjoyable read. 
 
Elli

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 13th December 2006
This made me smile. I'm notoriously thick with puns, so had to read it twice -- I knew it was there, just had to hit it the right way! -- but I enjoyed it when I did.  
 
I once had a class of 50-plus beginners, half of whom seemed to be named Ngoc Bao and Quoc Nam. There was one woman named Jane in the class, and I am afraid I called on her an unreasonable number of times.  
 
 
Recognise the situation ........
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 13th December 2006
8) Though as a supply teacher I'm rarely one place long enough to learn the names of more than the occasional troublemaker! 
 
I envy a teacher who can get all the names off pat without breaking into a sweat - it used to take me forever,and was not an unimportant consideration when I decided to turn to supply teaching as I'm no longer required to know the names of the class off pat! ;)  
 
I attended an Old Boys Reunion recently (first time ever, 40 YEARS since leaving :eek ) and was one of the YOUNGEST there! 
 
But guess what: my old FRENCH TEACHER recognised me immediately!!!
I'm not a teacher...
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 13th December 2006
...I'm a trainer. I had someone in my class this week with the coolest name ever: Sonick Malvanian. I had to stop myself grinning every time she spoke.

Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 14th December 2006
Really enjoyed this piece.  
 
As for names, I used to work with a Super Jolly and a charming lady called Shyster. Parents don't think these things through sometimes...

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 14th December 2006
Enjoyed this Snods. I teach, and even though I have a bad memory, I usually have my new classes' names off in about two weeks. I don't know how I do it as no matter how hard I try, I can't remember my own mobile number. 
 
On another note: on a radio report today (Five Live) - 'Snodland, home of the chav.' And to think - I once thought you were making it up. 
 
All the best, Phil. 
 
Great buildup...
Written by SammoR (111 comments posted) 15th December 2006
...great ending. 
 
I know a woman call Miss Hurd. She has, I suspect, heard all the jokes.

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