Poetry
The Tie
10 June 2005

The Tie

I gave him a tie, last Christmas,

He didn't say thank you at all.

I told him I'd chosen it specially,

To wear at the New year ball.

 

I don't like the style , he said

I don't like the pattern you see.

I don't think you chose it with care,

The colours' not  right for me.

 

Oh! you don't like the style, the pattern?

You know, you're a boring old crock.

Perhaps, you'd prefer this present, I said,

exchanging his tie for a sock!

Reviews
funny and smart
Written by kevinrobson73 (781 comments posted) 10th June 2005
serves him right 
clever 
could lose the comma line1  
could replace the he said in line1 second stanza 
 
"i don't like the brashness of colour" 
then line 4  
"the style's not right for me" 
 
just a suggestion 
 
if you used speech marks you could lose the he said , i said  
 
any help? -feel free to say no
The TIE
Written by maipenrai (1006 comments posted) 10th June 2005
Liked this a nice piece
THE TIE
Written by Ladybird ( comments posted) 11th June 2005
Maipenrai - thank you 
kevinrobson73 - will re think it on the lines of your advice thank you - Ladybird

Written by maj ( comments posted) 11th June 2005
:grin :grin  
 
i like that! 
 
kind of reminds me of my ex-husband! 
 
Short concise and well to the point! 
 
;)

Written by Ladybird ( comments posted) 11th June 2005
Thanks maj - Ladybird

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