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Poetry
Not Always
By lovewright
15 December 2006
well it's up to the reader how they judge it.


nOT aLwAys

When you are feeling excited, you can only think of yourself and nothing else

Time will past and learned even more, pure friends hard to find

Only the pure heart that could travel and find a great friend who knows that will never end…

still young and never think of what will happened at the end thinking that as long as today is a new day to begins of never ending happiness not to worry about the consequences of what tomorrow will bring … Imagine when we were young and full of hopes and dreams …

Free for every trials in this world that can gives … sadness was outreach

However, time will past and here at the stage of teens

Like playing Hide and seek looking for a place where you can Hide even if a lover or a friend, that no one can harm you, avoiding the hatreds that the world will bring and still hoping that someday somehow happiness will be there and reach for what life's longing for.

Reviews

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 15th December 2006
I don't know what to think, really.. sorry, but blame it on my sleepy mind. :grin .... there are a few grammar mistakes here... I'm sure you can find them yourself when you re-read it. :grin  
 
but on a separate note, 
 
I do doubt you need the colored text, and also in your other poem... and I also think the sticky caps on the title is not really that much of use... It just makes my eyes hurt... :eek do you mind changing it, for people like me who are still young (and even the old) that have weak eyes? :grin

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 15th December 2006
I think rilLie has been kind. Overly presented and not carefully enough proofed. If this piece has merit, it is well hidden by the errors and clashes in grammar etc. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 16th December 2006
I agree with the others - there doesn't seem to be a logical progression through this piece and the coloured font etc makes it very difficult to read...might be a good idea to edit, reformat and repost to get some more constructive commentary. 
 
Cheers, 
 
Elli

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