A love poem of sorts (you can blame good old elton for this one im afraid...)
Balanced on tip-toe points,
sketching circles in the sand,
I am stalking the choreographer's elusive shadow
with needle and thread.
I hit the marks, stroke the beat, finish the lines,
conjuring constructed perfection.
Blended, palm to palm,
we stroll along the ocean's sill.
Stepping in time, alike in mind
I trace your footsteps.
I cannot dance but try for you
who will not laugh at my stumbling.
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Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2286 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
| This is lovely. Beautiful images. I particularly like the ocean's sill. |
ell done
Written by patterjack (1196 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
good stuff elli --
patterjack |
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
good stuff.  good imagery... I'm sort of repeating now.. but yeah! I liked it!!! |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3369 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
Hi, Tiny Dancer was always my favourite Elton song, it was poetry set to music and I think you have done it proud
J |
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
| You paint beautiful images with your blush - I like |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
| Not sure about this one. Though the language is very nice the themes seem a bit confused. I understand there is a beach theme and a dance theme but you move between them very quickly, and the needle and thread line doesn't seem to fit- are you a dancer or an embroiderer? And the first line of the second stanza makes me think of a musician rather than a ballerina. I love the line "I am stalking the choreographer's elusive shadow" and the last line is effective too, but I feel like this could do with some more work. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
I thought this was really good, short and effective. It also has a "lightness" about it which concurs well with the idea of a ballerina.
Personally, I liked the needle and thread line, to me it emphasises the idea of precision, and descibes the movement i.e. gliding in and out like when sewing. Don't know if that's what you were going for, but anyway...
E 
|
Thankyou all...
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
for your comments - much appreciated.
Guttterkitty -
Personally I can neither dance nor sew! The basic idea behind this is a couple walking along a beach with her following him - but it is a kind of life metaphor as well. JAN has got the sewign movement idea right but also it's the kind of Peter Pan idea of trying to pin down your shadow - tame something elusive. The second stanza may change a little but 'stroke the beat, finish the lines' - are both music and dance-related to me - hard to separate the two. Thanks for your comments - food for thought!
Elli |
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
I was just going to say how lovely I thought this poem was, then I read all the different interpretations above and was very nearly scared off altogether!
I'm so envious of people who 'get' poetry and can see all the different interpretations it has. Afraid I'm not one of them...but for my part I thought the imagery was beautiful and I loved the closing lines. |
Written by Fledermaus (3321 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
| Awww. What your dancer needs is a little more self confidence. In an elli-poem every line counts, but sometimes the metaphors are a little difficult to grasp. Nice poem though. |
Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 15th December 2006 |
Liked this very much Elli. For me, a simple and effective piece that leaves an image and emotion in the mind.
All the best, Phil. |
Written by IronMaiden (9 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
| this really made me think. I needed to read it somewhat slowly, but it doesn't matter. It sets a romantic mood I think, and even though you haven't went to great efforts to describe the scenery, it's all there in my head anyway, which is why I really like this piece. |
Thanks
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
to all for taking the time to comment - I'm kind of surprised by the response this one has generated.
Nina - I often read the reviews and learn new things about my own poems! So it's not just you - I guess everyone interprets things in their own way.
Cheers,
Elli |
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