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Oh my Elli
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 16th December 2006 |
| Now I'm wondering why Elli ('our Elli') has suddenly turned solemn. Perhaps it’s the broken expectation of ashes in the national draw. What’s sad about you poet people is how you offer the most joy out of a heart feeling pain. I love this poem it has it all, it’s gentle, dignified and romantic. Yet I feel a little guilty, as I’m sure those feeling are not shared inside of you this evening. Thank you ----- regards, wattle |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 16th December 2006 |
Very clever poem Elli. I really like the way this goes right around to the beginning again. Would 'cyclical' be a good word to describe it?
This read very smoothly with a really gentle pulse. It was a bit like waves on the shore. Hope that makes sense. Liked it very much.
All the best, Phil.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 16th December 2006 |
| There are so many good things about this poem -- 'perfect, spherical fireball tears' is lovely -- and I also like 'amber embers.' It is a pure pleasure to read this poem out loud. |
Written by Storywriter1987 (91 comments posted) 16th December 2006 |
I adored this poem.
I found it emotionsl and it set free emotions in me i thought long buried.
Thank you for giving me the release i needed. A lot of things have been going on recently that i needed to talk over with friends and when i get up tomorrow i will do just that!
THANK YOU!
Great work Hun. Keep it up. I hope to see more of your work soon!
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Written by IronMaiden (9 comments posted) 16th December 2006 |
this was lovely and beautiful. It was somehow sad, but in a romatic sort of way. Your format worked well.
However, this phrase didn't quite work for me:
"melting at the edges to release
perfect, spherical fireball tears."
it sounded is if you were trying too hard to get your reader to visualise exactly what you wanted. I think it's because there are too many adjectives. I don't think "perfect" is needed at all, because "spherical fireball tears" already implies this, and sounds much better on it's own. |
Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
Another beautiful poem - full of all sorts of very complicated thoughts and emotions.
You certainly do have a gift for this sort of thing. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
Beautifully written, and very effectvive with some really bewitching imagery.
I loved this.
E |
What a poem!
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
Eli,
I am struck dumb - thank you!
VBW,
TW |
Wow
Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
| Wonderful poem. I'm not sure if angels (the religious version) would be able to cry, but it's a great poem. As JourneyAtNight remarked: Bewitching imaginery. |
lovely
Written by 1leggedswan (9 comments posted) 17th December 2006 |
| This is lovely. And like Witzl said, a pure pleasure to read. I liked the hymnlike tone to the second stanza, and the way it contrasted with the more direct personal voice of the later ones. Some of the words used could perhaps use a bit of tweaking in the second and third, and I'm never a fan of beating your point into the ground - I think perhaps you could have shortened this and strengthened its meaning - but overall, lovely. |
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