Not a cuss, murder, pun or sex act in sight.

HOST: Good evening, and welcome to the show. On Paul's team tonight is a man who needs no introduction.... but I'll give him one anyway as it's in his contract.. [Pause whilst audience giggles] He's had no offers of work since his last appearance on the show, and needs the appearance fee. Mr. Clive Anderson! [Cue audience clapping and wry smile from Clive. Paul Merton's face is deadpan as he looks at the audience.]

HOST: And on Ian's team, a man who was once described by Jonathon Ross as 'a useless tosser'. He since assures me he has perfected his pancake flipping skills, so please welcome the incredibly funny [mock closer scrutiny of his script as if to question the word 'funny'] short, fat, bald bloke off Little Britain! [again, clapping from the audience, whilst that little fat bloke grins, but extends his chin a-la Bruce Forsyth, to add comedy effect. Ian Hislop does his best gerbil impression by adopting his favourite annoying grin, and elaborate gulp]

HOST: So onto the first round, Paul's team look at these snaps and tell us who's the odd one out... [cue photo's showing George Bush waving to a crowd, then John Prescott eating a bun, and finally a pig wallowing in a pen of manure]

PAUL: Yes, well thats the Prime Minister of Britain.. [laughter] [Clive butts in] oh, and this is his pet dog... [Clive looks left and right to see who's laughing at him, though has to turn his entire body due to the lack of dexterity in his stumpy neck] and here's John Prescott again, this time in his bathtub! [Laughter from all sides, except Paul, who is only allowed to laugh at his own material. Particularly conceited look on Clive's face, just begging to be slapped off]

HOST: [Trying not to laugh] So which is the odd one out?

PAUL: Is it the pig 'cos the other two look like a pig but only he really is a pig? [Huge guffaws]

HOST: Well, I er....

CLIVE: I think its the pig because he's rolling around in pig shit, whereas the other two are as thick as pig shit...?

HOST: For one point, well done [Applause] Yes, that is the story that both George Bush and John Prescott are both as thick as pig shit. George Bush recently complained he was tired of people accusing him of being dyslexic. When asked to prove he wasn't, he replied "Suck my Kid" [Approving nod from Paul, as he must have wrote the gag. Chuckles galore around the audience.]

HOST: Now, Ian's team, your fabulous foursome are; Ryan Giggs, Tom Jones, Charlotte Church and Shirley Bassey. [Quick as a flash, the fat bald bloke puts on a stupid voice and sings "Gold Finger", due to his lack of spontaneous wit and scarcity of off-the-cuff gags in his repotoire, but much to the amusement of the audience]

IAN: Is it Tom Jones?

HOST: Aaaaaand why do you say Tom Jones?

IAN: Because all the others have got a face like the back of a bus [laughter, all except for Paul]

HOST: Well....

PAUL: [Interupts at an annoyingly loud and overbearing volume] Is it becuase they've got a face like the back end of a bus and Tom Jones looks like his face has been backed over by a bus?" [Again, hoards of laughter, this time including Paul himself, as he cracked the gag. Dramatic screwing up of the face from Ian, and the little fat twat goes cross eyed. Firtive shuffling in his chair by Clive, whilst displaying a smirky grin. All rounded off nicley with a 'raised eyebrow' type look to camera by the HOST].

FAT BLOKE: [In an over-the-top northern accent and a squeaky voice meant to sound like that ginger haired bloke who plays Fred Elliott's lad in Coronation Street]
Excuse uncle Fred, I think I know this one... Is it Ryan Giggs cos the other's are all Welsh and Ryan was born in England, uncle Fred?

HOST: [Pause; looking to camera whilst everyone but Paul laughs at the fat blokes hilarious answer] ........is the correct answer. [Round of applause from all but Paul, who sips his water whilst raising one eyebrow extremely high. Shot of Ian looking overly smug, until some light hearted banter from Clive about Ian's lack of hair causes more laughter, made even funnier when Paul points to Clives' own bald head].

HOST: So, join us next week for much more of the same format. My thanks to our guests, and we leave you with news that Princes' Harry and William anounce the latest act to perform at their July 2007 concert... [cue video clip of Saddam Hussein banging a tambourine, to the customary chuckles], Anne Widicombe sets out to earn money for charity by eating her own weight in chocolate... [cut to VT of a 40ft container being unloaded from a lorry with 'Toblerone' written on the side], and George Bush announces his selection criteria for his next Defence Secretary [video of George putting his hand in a tombola thingy and plucking out a numbered ball].

Goodnight.