T a l k i n g A b o u t W i n e Pale and greeney straw, they say Firm and crisp, this Chardonnay Ripe black fruits and mulberry Good mouth-feel, that Burgundy Peach and apricot – a hint Bright lime notes, and elegant Vibrant purple (earthy nose) Light-weight finish, creamy rose Oakey body, hints of spice Herbaceous edge was very nice Piercing, pungent, lychee scents Spice-box cherry, long and dense Steely palate, full bouquet Rich, ripe bramble, fine mouth-play Sweet and fresh as baby’s breath …Lord, they bore me half to death. |
Written by MissManda (13 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | Haha, I gotta say I love this one. Frankly, I hate the taste of wine but for some reason I've got a craving because of your poem. Good work! 
Now what is it that bores you... the wine.. or the winetasters? I can understand the latter. |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | Yep, liked this Witzl. It's not so much that they bore me, it's that it's a completely invented and spurious act that many of the rest of us have bought into. I like my wine red, heavy and available. Would that pass muster for Gilly Goulding or whatever her name is?
Enjoyed, Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | Thank you MissManda and Phil, for your comments
The awful truth is that while I am not overly fond of wine, and while I find the language of wine snobs obnoxious in the extreme, just reading about it the other day (I was stuck in the wine section of Tescos), I was enchanted. All that talk about tropical fruits and clear, sparkling this, that or the other had me thirsting for -- something. Not wine, certainly, but something.
For me, wine is red or white, dry or sweet. All the other nonsense they've made up is pretty amusing. And, admittedly, rather poetic. |
Written by IronMaiden (9 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | O I loved this too. Until you get to the bottom you actually seem like the wine-fanatic, and then I had to laugh at the last line.
I actually do like wine, and this left me thirsty and craving wine, although cringing at snobby winetasting sessions.
the only thing... "light-weight finish"? sounds like something to do with boat paint.
I find that the people who think up all these adjectives and whatnot to describe wines are much like Shakespear analysts - extricating that which was, by all intents and purposes, was not planned to to be in the finished product. Do you think whoever made the wine sat there thinking "hmm now how do i get a little bit more firm, crisp, Herbaceous edge going on?" any more than Shakespear thought "now, which feminist issues and gender biases shall I emphasise in this play?".
o wow I'm rambling - sorry! All in all, love the poem and now I'm going. Toodles. | Hi Witzl
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | Good poem. I too thought you were a wine buff to start with, and then was surprised by the punch line.
What annoys me is the idea that really expensive wine is worth it. My daughter and her husband recently were celebrating and bought a £30 bottle of wine - and then found it was undrinkable so complained. The wine waiter very happily exchanged it for a different equally expensive bottle - which was very nice. But I wonder what happened to the rest of the other bottle - probably sold off for those getting it by the glass. Chances are the same £30 bottle could have been bought for £6 at the local liquor store. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | | Thank you, IronMaiden and Jean, for commenting. I certainly agree that 'light weight finish' sounds like something you'd want to varnish wood with, but I didn't make any of this stuff up -- I took it all from wine experts' language. IronMaiden, I laughed at your comment and thought to myself while reading all the wine-babble that no one growing the grapes or processing the wine could have imagined all the nonsense vocabulary that their product would be described by. I don't suppose they mind as long as they sell their wine in the end. You are right, Jean -- I've worked in restaurants and as long as a wine isn't completely corked, they do sell rejected wine by the glass. And they end up throwing out gallons of good wine, too . . . | hi
Written by Toad (100 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | I enjoyed the poem. It reminded me of that movie Sideways, in which my brother and I laughed at the corniness of the main character's passion for wine. If you haven't seen it, do so, it will make you feel even better about your poem.
note: I liked the double meaning of "fine mouth-play", used right before your statement that they bore you half to death. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | I blush to admit that I wasn't aware of that double meaning until the moment I read your comment. No doubt a Freudian slip. I really did take all of these dopey phrases and expressions from wine websites and Tesco wine descriptions (Tesco being a supermarket chain here similar to Safeways in the States). I didn't make them up, but I did 'assemble' them. Now I'm rather proud of that double entendre, and if anyone else comments on it, I will look smug and act as though it was intentional.
Thank you for your comments. | mouth-played
Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | I worked in a vineyard at odd times -- and we could get at some really good stuff from the cellars. Nobody bothered to describe it in any terms other than whoooofffff or whooaarrrh when knocking back a big heavy Hunter Valley red.
I fall about laughing at some of the comments-- some of which such as tobacco -y are more offputting than enticing
But today I went up to a local cellar and got lost among the hundreds of new wines that we have been producing , finally just grabbing a few of the ones I have mouth-play ed with before .
Where's that butt of Malmsey ?
patterjack | I should add ...
Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 22nd July 2007 | Wine buffs can sometimes be lost for words -- really!
Rather like the geologist i knew , who , given a piece of rock to identify , would solemnly murmur Interesting... .
Len Evans , an Australian winemaker and humourist / commentator,
remarked that you could always get away with a comment on a wine by looking earnest and saying Mmmm, too many tramlines
patterjack |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 24th July 2007 | Thank you for commenting on this old one, Brian.
I've always thought it would be fun to invent my very own wine-describing terminology: Tang of Mogen David, Lysol hints, long bleach nose, Fairy liquid mouth-feel or whatever. But given my poor delivery, no one would get it... |
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