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By nitenattc
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18 December 2006 |
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Crisp morning, pink skies.
Cold evening, pink skies. Between
lies a perfect day.
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Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | Nice simple attempt. Liked it. Perhaps lacks the greater depth of the best. Have a look at Patterjack's.
Phil. |
Written by MissManda (13 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | | That's very cute =] |
Written by IronMaiden (9 comments posted) 18th December 2006 | I like the split sentence "between/lies a perfect day" - but at the same time it seems as if you've cheated to stick to the syllable rules. I would also have liked more solid imagery, since it's haiku. All you've given me is pink skies.
But other than that, just looking at it for what it is, I like the sound of it. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | Despite agreeing with previous criticisms I liked this very much. there was something pure and simple and clean in it that left an impact. Interesting effort, maybe needs another layer of complexity but I liked this very much.
Elli |
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