A week early , but I have resurrected this oldie of mine , because I may not be able to post it on the actual day Boxing Day Blues
The gifts are given , the wrappings torn ,
the relatives and friends have gone
to leave me here, alone , forlorn
with the washing up to gaze upon.
Lord God of Feasts , why can’t we eat
the plates at the same time as the meat ?
The Christmas crackers have all been pulled
and given up their tawdry bits .
Sometimes I think we’ve all been gulled
and really need to call it quits.
Lord God of Commerce , let’s be bold--
Christmas is greatly oversold !
I do not wish , without good reason
to step outside the human race
and denigrate the festive season
by pulling such a mournful face
But Lord God of Time , I give a cheer
that Christmas comes but once a year. |
Written by shadowplay (41 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | For me the first stanza here is fantastic. It is a great rhythm to open the poem with, and it leads the reader on... but to little, I'm afraid. Personally, I really dislike the rhyming couplets between each stanza. It's a nice form, it really is- but I fear that in a poem such as this it might just seem like it's jumping from one thing to another. If you were to use it, I think it should be done a little more sparingly.
I enjoyed the first two lines of the next stanza, but the rhyme seems a bit forced in the second two. I'd be tempted to replace them with something more descriptive, as that seems to be the theme of the stanzas while the couplets pull it all together with narrative.
So my issues are with form- I think you have to pare it down a bit by using less rhyming couplets or spreading the ones you have out through more material. And they need to have 'jobs'- so when you're speaking in italics, it is the voice of despair, whereas normal text signifies descriptive content.
I worry now that I might have been a little too scathing- do not underestimate the potential this poem has... the content is all there. Personally I would like to see it refined and even added to, because the ending seems quite abrupt. I want to read more... is it your intention to leave the reader hanging in this way?!  | Fab!
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | I can't take this little gem too serious! Its fun, its clever, its Brian, its Christmas, its great!
Poetry can be aspirational, trivial, heavy, light, serious, witty and a million other things. This is witty, well constructed, thoughtful and very good fun!
Merry Christmas Brian to you and yours, thanks for all the fun reading in 2006 from the Oli household in frosty Scotland!
Oli |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3567 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | I don't believe any of this I bet you are the life and soul of the party, entertaining everyone with those wild stories and hilarious kangaroo impressions while the grankids do the washing up
Hee Hee
J |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | For me, what really makes this poem is the great lines: Lord God of Feasts, why can't we eat / the plates at the same time as the meat? Oh, why not? I am so sick and tired of washing up I could scream.
And I got stuck with doing 85% of all the wrapping and packaging of gifts yet again this year and feel very Scroogish just now. Once a year seems a little too often at this point.
Enjoyed this very much. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | Enjoyed this very much Brian. Can't disagree with anything Oli says on this one. Very good fun - but you're right, once a year is quite enough.
Have a good one, Phil. | I Kippled a bit
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 19th December 2006 | Sometime back -- in about 1944 ! -- I read a copy ofHoni Soit the student paper of Sydney University. In a Letters page I read the following and it made a great impression on me , a mere schoolboy .
The brand of Freud is shaken highThe spires fall , the tall stars reelfrom Totem and Tabu we flyLord, basis of our Group IdealBe thou our Superego yetLest we forget , lest we forget
So , as another parody of old Rudyard Boxing Day Blues was hardly meant to be taken seriously !
Thank you all for your comments
patterjack |
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | Like witzl I particularly liked,
'Lord God of Feasts , why can’t we eat
the plates at the same time as the meat ?'
Unfortunately that's my cry every Sunday - damn those environmentalist principles that made me decide not to buy a dishwasher! Enjoyed this very much.
Elli
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