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Don't ask me either
By Bottleblondesurfer
19 December 2006
This is in the way of a response to that cri di coeur by Snodlander. I don't claim it is at all definitive.I just wanted to put something up quickly for the fun of it

Does the term rhetorical question mean anything to you? You seem to think that when I say certain things that they require an answer. OK they may seem, on the surface to sound like questions but surely you can see that all I really want are unqualified compliments if it concerns clothing and praise if about appearance?
 They are not real questions in the true sense; it is just my way of reminding you that I am
(a)     wearing something new
(b)       have a new hair-do
(c)       haven’t had a compliment since Angus Deayton chaired Have I got News for You.
I mean, really, the last thing I want is your opinion, especially on clothing, (I have to buy yours) I just want shock and awe at how wonderful I look. But like the fly who continues to smash it’s head on the window pane you never seem to get the message.
 Don’t you realise how proud I am of  you and when I show off a new outfit I am hinting that you should wear that new jacket I bought so I can show you off to the family; and how the hell did you manage to rescue that old one. I know I threw it out.
 
Why do you always question me about birthdays? Why should I  know the birthdays of all your friends and why is it my fault if you forget your sister’s birthday?. Why do you ask me for your mother’s address as if it’s my job to know that? You’ve got a good memory. I’ve heard you rattling off the names of football teams who are not only dead but died in black and white. I know there is a good brain in there so why don’t you remember your parents phone number?
That is the real difference, my questions do not require an answer so much as a response whereas yours are answer specific…..well apart from one; you know the one I mean. The one you ask last thing at night. That pointless question that I have long since given up on because I know that by the time I give an answer you will be oblivious, contentedly snoring. I know you mean well when you ask “How was it for you” but I also know that an answer would be a waste of breath
 

Reviews
Great!
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 19th December 2006
Really enjoyed both pieces (preferred the female point of view personally, but hey, I would say that! :) )  
 
You missed out the agony of Christmas...how we have to send all the cards, instinctively know what to get for his family and friends...buy and wrap all the presents, decorate the tree etc etc etc, while they enjoy the celebrations in an oblivious haze...and it's our fault if anyone is accidentally forgotten about! (Bah humbug) 
 
Great ending as well. 
 
 
 
 

Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 19th December 2006
Ah well... Some men are just bad at giving compliments... A few days ago I walked straight past a friend of mine. She greeted me, and I only then I noticed her. Mind you, I once had a huge crush on her ;) Silly me said: 
" Hey! You're wearing new glasses. I didn't recognice you." 
Her reaction: 
" How nice that you noticed!" 
 
I'm still not sure if she was being sarcastic... 
 
Nice piece about probably the most common complaint of women about men ;)

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th December 2006
Brilliant. I could never have expressed this so well. 
 
Who would have thought that this was such a universal theme? Women in Japan say the exact same thing. So do American women. I can well imagine that even in some far-flung part of the world like the New Hebrides there is some carefully-dressed woman tearing her hair at the sight of her man, slacking off, wearing some nasty old garment she thought she'd managed to get rid of. And whoever he is, I'll bet his memory is selective too.  
 
I, too, am the keeper of anniversaries, addresses, birthdays, and addresses. When we first arrived in the U.K. ages ago, the Immigration lady asked my husband what our anniversary was. He went blank. I stood there, fuming. She turned to me and I said 'July the 4th.' She turned back to my husband and asked what year we were married in. Again, she might have asked him the Lithuanian for 'salamander.' I said '1989.' The woman laughed and said that she knew we must be married if I knew and he didn't; that if we both knew or only he knew, that would arouse her suspicions. I'd heard about this sort of thing, but could not believe that he could not remember. Sometimes he does remember, but by and large, I am the one who tells him.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th December 2006
I've just noticed that I repeated addresses there. Well, that just shows you how many addresses I have to remember!

Written by Thatllbemethen (83 comments posted) 19th December 2006
Well written you snazzy, coiffured rhetorician you. 
 
Hope this takes care of the compliments. 
 
Answers on a postcard are : - 
 
(a) Men are well aware of new outfits but choose silence over arguments of cost. Men will always lose an argument to a woman. 
 
(b) Ditto 
 
(c) Compliments only lead to suspicion. Suspicion leads to an argument. Guess who wins the argument. 
 
Once again great writing. Don't let the wife see it though!

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 19th December 2006
Great piece, funny and a quick response.  
 
The problem with female rhetorical questions is - they have to answered. There are times when whatever is said is wrong and out of sheer love and devotion we dig ourselves deeper by saying the opposite to compensate. Sometimes it's hard being a chap! 
 
Enjoyed your piece. 
 
Phil.
Its us
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 19th December 2006
The dirty breed of men. We are born that way.
Good Girl
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 20th December 2006
You can't resist it can you dear? Brings back a few memories of the back and forth banter.  
 
Very good, you do this kind of thing with aplomb Mrs. B, it would make a decent stand up routine. 
 
Seeya in 2007. 
 
G.

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 20th December 2006
But I do compliment her. And when I do, she slaps me down for being sarcastic. 
 
And the Missus always throws my much loved stuff out on Dustbin day, when I have already left for work. 
 
And how can you say you don't want our opinion. Why do you tell us what our opinion is, then not want to hear us repeat it back to make sure we have got it right? 
 
And thank you for your compliment. This whole piece was obviously just to attract my attention. You see? There's another difference. Women want to be told by a man that he finds her attractive. Men automatically know that every woman that he meets wants to take him to bed(unless they are a lesbian)(except when they actually say they're a lesbian, when we will try all the harder). We don't need to be told this, and protestations to the contrary will just reinforce our beliefs.
HI BBS
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 20th December 2006
Good piece, and as always the reactions you get from your work make it all the more enjoyable. 
 
Interestingly I had the opposite thing happen this week. I had my hair done for Christmas (I only go to the hairdresser maybe 4 times a year) and on two occasions it was the men in the group who commented on it. It surprised the women. 
 
I'm afraid I long ago gave up expecting compliments from my husband. I am just happy if he doesn't say anything negative. 
 

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 18th January 2007
Stumbled across this the other day and really enjoyed it so came back to read it again.  
 
The line 
 
'haven’t had a compliment since Angus Deayton chaired Have I got News for You.' 
 
had me in stiches. Very funny, really enjoyed it although sadly much of it rings true! 
 
Great stuff 
 
Elli
Watto Bubbles
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 17th April 2007
A brilliant read. Gem encrusted. 
 
But you missed the most common group of rhetorical questions, those that are in fact an order to do something e.g. 
 
Did you know the Dustbin goes out to-day? 
 
Do you think the bathroom needs a splash 
of paint? 
 
What would I give for a cup of coffee? 
 
Brian 
 

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