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Shorts
Skate on Ice
By peeano1
19 December 2006
Whew...It's been a long time since I went on this site....Finally came up with an idea...

She stared blankly through the thick glass window. The bus was moving at an average rate but time seemed to stopped altogether. Years and years of intense training and physical suffering had made her strong, yet still weak inside.

The billowing clouds that hovered above were a darkish tint of grey. A storm would be coming. She imagined that by the time she arrived, all of her dreams and nightmares would be washed away.

The bus stopped and the driver appeared before her.

"Miss, this is the last stop. Everybody has to get off."

She nodded and rose silently. Slowly, she trudged to the open door and exited out. Now, with only one thing in mind, she ran.

She ran as fast as her legs could take her. She ran for the one thing she wanted to do. With the wind hitting with full force against her face, she only one thing in mind.

Inside, she could feel power and speed building. Never before had she accomplished as much adrenaline as before. To her amazement, she felt as if her body was rising towards the sky, like she was flying for the first time. Her mind felt free and eager; relaxed but not tense.

This was her escape. Her escape from what people expected from her. Her ice skating career had to wait.

Walking out in front of thousands of people made her feel guilty but at this moment, she knew her decision was right. Nothing mattered right now. Yes, her coach would lecturing her when she got back but for the meantime, all she needed was some freedom.

Pausing to take a break, she looked back at the long stretch of road she had covered. It shocked her to think she ran more than two miles.

From the distance, she suddenly spotted her coach.

"Emily, come back here!"

She was about to turn around when the whole image began to fade away.

"Emily??"

Slowing opening her eyes, she found her coach in front of her.

"Emily, it's time to go."

She looked around. She was back in the waiting room, ready for her competition.

Slowly, she got up and followed her coach.

"Remember, Emily, skate as it's your last."

Nodding, her limbs felt weak as she entered the rink.

The audience applauded lightly.

Posing in a lavish way, she waited anxiously for the music.

Slowly, she met the eyes of the audience and circled around the rink.

The music was steady yet very mesmerizing.

With her heart beating wildly, she fought for control of her nerves. Her mind was concentrating on her moves yet it seemed to be out of synch.

Once again, she looked up at the audience and smiled.

Reviews

Written by Snodlander (507 comments posted) 20th December 2006
Watch the grammar. 
 
"exited out" should just read "exited". 
 
You tell us twice she had only one thing on her mind in quick succession. 
 
"her coach would lecturing her" should read "her coach would lecture her" 
 
"relaxed but not tense" doesn't make sense, as you can't be both. "relaxed, not tense" would be better, or even something like "relaxed, none of her usual tension present" 
 
Nice short story. The clues that it was a dream sequence were there, but I only spotted them on the second read. It might be better though is she were sick, or maybe she was mildly epileptic but was frightened to tell anyone, as I'm not sure that if she was that nervous she would doze off immediately before a competition.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th December 2006
Poor Emily! I agree with Snodlander about making it more obvious that this is a dream sequence. I missed this after two readings, and only after reading Snodlander's comments above was I sure that Emily must have been asleep. 
 
I can easily imagine a nervous girl daydreaming about escaping just before a competition, and I personally think that she might actually fall asleep if she'd been very nervous the night before. But it would be better to make that plain, if it is possible.  
 
I like your ending. The fact that Emily springs right into 'showtime' mode shows how rigorously she has been trained. Poor kid.

Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 20th December 2006
Well done. A lovely bite sized piece. The sort i enjoy. 
All the best!

Written by Fledermaus (3456 comments posted) 20th December 2006
I guess... She should make a change of career and go speed skating. 
Nice story.

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 20th December 2006
Thanks guys! I'll watch for the grammer next time..Something I need to work on..Well, I'll see if I can come up with any ideas...They're coming really slow now... :)

Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 21st December 2006
Yep, nice short piece. Grammar errors centred around inconsistent verb tenses. 
 
Phil.

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 22nd December 2006
Yeah..about the dream thing..I was entering this as a new story for a contest on storywrite.com..I had intended this to be a running type story but somehow, I landed on an ice skating thing..It wasn't supposed to be a dream at first but then I went back and made it into a dream anyways..Funny how your ideas swerve in another direction... :grin

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