Another thing done for the u3A on the above topic.
My first Christmas in England was not a happy occasion. Philip and I had lived in England since October of that year in a large rented house in Ashton-upon-Lyne, but shortly after moving in, I found out that my mother had terminal kidney disease, and had a very short time to live, so I left my 5 month old baby with my husband and mother-in-law, and flew back to the States, for what I thought would be the funeral. As it turned out my mother lived until November 18th, and after the funeral, I flew back to England. Philip hadn't allowed me to take Stephanie with me, because he thought that if I did, I might not return to England.
Christmas for those first 10 years or so was always spent with my in-laws, and I did not get along very well with my mother-in-law. So I dreaded going to Norfolk to spend time with them in their holiday cottage. At that time they still lived in Guernsey where my father-in-law was the Headmaster of a big Public School, Elizabeth College. The house they had bought for their retirement was very cold, with no central heating. A coal fires were lit in the living room and they had a Rayburn in the kitchen which kept that room reasonable. The bedrooms had night storage heaters (my first experience with these) but my memory is of feeling cold and miserable the whole time we were there.
We hadn't had very special traditions at home for Christmas, but we always had a real tree, and we had a special meal on Christmas eve, followed by opening the presents, and then we all went to Midnight Mass together. Sunday morning we lazed in bed and then had a big turkey dinner, followed by more lazing around.
At Philip's parents’ house, there was no tree. They didn't see a need for one as they were only there for a short time. The only decorations were cards which they strung across the living room. Presents were not put out until Christmas eve, and then just in a pile on the table. We went to Church - but it was not my church - and I wasn't comfortable there. The dinner was perhaps the same in basics - but tasted ever so different. The stuffing was not as good - and I was expected to eat sprouts which I hated, bread sauce which I had never had before, and never wanted again, and worst of all, there were no cranberries, and no candied sweet potatoes, and no pumpkin pie.
I choked my food down. I knew I was being childish, and certainly didn't expect everyone in the world to eat the same foods at Christmas. But Christmas food for me symbolised my family and especially my mother who loved cooking the special things. And I missed her so much.
Later on, I walked across the common to the phone box, and made a collect call to my Dad. My sister and her husband their baby were spending the holiday with him. I'm sure they were all feeling my mother's absence perhaps even more than I was.
It snowed that year. And Norfolk has narrow roads with high hedges, so the snow accumulates, and roads get completely blocked. We went for some walks with the pram, and I didn't mind the snow. We had tons of snow in North Dakota, but I wouldn't have put it on the list of the things I missed most, if we hadn't had any. The previous year, we had spent Christmas at home with my parents - and Philip probably had felt as strange and lonely as I had this year. He had put on his down-filled anorak and gone for a walk miles in the heavy snow and freezing cold. It was minus 40º F that year.
But back in England, it was one of the coldest Christmases for some time, and when we got back to Ashton in a week's time, we found our pipes had frozen, and when they finally thawed out they were cracked and we had floods throughout the house. So it seemed a bad end to a bad holiday. Things could only get better, I thought, and they did.
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crikey
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 20th December 2006 | Found this a little hard to get into, but probably just that you struggled to get your head in the right place in the first two paragraphs. Chrstimas in Suffolk you poor thing.
This left me with more questions, the text does not paint a particularly nice picture of your husband, so I am keen to know whether your still together. Were you close to your mother, if you were it does not come across.
I enjoyed the reading of this, if the tone of the message wasn't quite the yule tide ripe roarer I was expecting
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th December 2006 | I enjoyed this for its honesty and its interesting description of bleak events. You don't sound bitter or mean -- just matter-of-fact. I have to say that I got the impression that you were close to your mother from this. But maybe I just read that in. I do think that having to travel without your baby must have been dreadful. I went back to California when my father died and told my husband that I was taking our 2-year-old or else. But it was touch and go, as she and he were almost inseparable back then.
Bread sauce -- I could not agree more. Bread sauce is the classic virtue-of-a-necessity food. I am sure it could be done well, but damned if I've ever encountered a tasty version. And having no pumpkin pie -- I certainly know how you felt! I missed this too, and sadder still, all of my in-laws thought it sounded horrible when I described it. But Brussels sprouts I have grown to love! My children, though, would agree heartily with you.
| Thanks Johnnibg and Witzl
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 20th December 2006 | You are right, Witzl, I was very close to my mother, and I would never have moved to England if I had realised that she was dying. She had had a stroke but seemed well recovered from it, and she was only 66 when she died. I would never have left my child behind normally, but I could see the logic in what my husband said. We thought originally it would only be for the funeral - a week at the most. I had been breast feeding - so that was traumatic from both my baby and my point of view - stopping immediately like that. But I felt I had the rest of my life to give my child, and only a few days left to give my mother, so that is why I did it. He felt that to have a baby in a house of mourning was not helpful for her and to have the problems of a very long flight was unhelpful to both of us. I cried and leaked milk all the way to the States.
In fact, I think that if my mother had lived I would have not been able to live in England all these years as we have, so the success of my marriage is partly due to her dying when she did.
As far as your question Johnnie about thinking my husband sounded cruel - he is very much in control in our house - and being quite a bit older than me, he felt he was making the right decision which I would not have made from a logical rather than an emotional point of view. I missed my baby dreadfully, but my sister had just had he own baby 3 weeks before, and I more or less took care of my niece the whole time I was there, as her mother got puerperile fever. And yes my husband and I are still together, very much so. But he is still wanting to be in control, but I do what I want much more now - and sometimes I don't tell him if I think he won't agree, to avoid conflict. |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | Enjoyed the piece Jean. Families, your own or your partner's can be stressful things. I love spending time with mine, but I'm always glad when they leave too.
Hope this Christmas shines a bit brighter for you than your first in this country.
All the best, Phil. | Thanks Phil
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 21st December 2006 | | This will be the first Christmas in a long time that we are not at home - going to my daughter's. Such a relief to let somebody else do all the worrying and cleaning and clearing up afterwards. |
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