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Poetry


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Lonely Poem

By Toad

21 December 2006

A miserable lover. Always shocked

at himself, dismayed at the face he sees.

Seeking out the qualities he loathes,

safe in the fact that this woman

could never have a clue who he is.

The more he craves, the more he

writhes. Where can he go?

Where could he ever build a home?

Among friends, desperate for a friend.

Surrounded by music, desperate for his own.

Holidays with stunning scenery will

do no good. There’s always gasoline,

one dollar bills and brochures. There’s

nowhere to run to, but every morning

he laces sneakers and runs for miles.

In exhaustion, there is no dialogue,

there are no questions to ask. But

as he scrambles his eggs, he wonders,

what is it inside of him that

makes him want to be so lonely?

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3489 comments posted) 21st December 2006

It's very strange, with those broken sentences, but it did work for me. And it's the word 'want" in the last line which makes this a little different from what one might expect. I liked it.

Written by Thatllbemethen (83 comments posted) 21st December 2006

Is it a conscious 'want' or an unconscious 'need' ?

As I read this the broken sentences almost sounded mechanical. I can't explain this. Maybe it's me.

Still, I liked it.

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 21st December 2006

I really liked this. Can't decide whether I like the structure or whether it's too disruptive to the piece...but it made me think and engaged me so job done I guess. Good stuff

Elli

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 21st December 2006

Yep, the structure of broken lines was a feature of this: a successful one I'd say. Liked it. As Elli, it engaged and made me think.

Phil.

Written by Toad (106 comments posted) 21st December 2006

thanks all. I normally don't use structured meter like this, but I enjoyed manipulating the line breaks here. as to the character's want vs. need, I would say it's neither, it's more of a frustrating inclination.

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