Not sure if this should go in this section, but there you go.

I can't believe it, just when I was completing this piece my wife called up to me to say there was a sketch on Radio 4 about the word amazing. Amazing.

An Amazing Rant

I thought nothing really bothered me that much. Until recently that is. I think I'm pretty tolerant, for example I would find it difficult to name five things to commit to room one-o-one, but lately there is one recurring thing, well, word that is really beginning to wind me up. It's even annoying me more than 'gobsmacked'.

As much as I love words and would hate to deprive the English language of a single one, it's most amazing one at that, I would gladly condemn the spoken form of amazing down the conveyor belt of no return.

Lately on the T.V., Radio and even with those I allow to talk to me, people describe the most mundane of experiences as 'amazing' or embellish 'amazing' qualities to people that only last week they were describing as a totally different seven letter word.

I can no longer take the word seriously. In fact my instinct now is to suspect anyone who uses the word to be insincere. Have you noticed how I can't even bring myself to say it now.

It is okay when used in conjunction with 'coincidence' or 'arse' or 'set of lungs on 'er'. It was okay when my dad would say "en it amazing, every ******* light on in the 'ouse." I don't mind amazing things being called amazing, an amazing goal, an amazing bootleg LP of a pink floyd concert, an amazing photo of bigfoot etc. But this dumbing down of the word to the depths of the word 'nice' is making 'amazing' irrelevant. Do we need two nice's?. Do we? Do we?

Although never levied at me, I hear the words "you're soooooo amazing" or "I had this amazing meal……." Blah blah blah. What's soooooooooo amazing about someone, two arms two legs? Even one arm and one leg is not amazing, just ******* unlucky. A meal is not tasty or succulent anymore, no no no, it's 'amazing?' What's so bloody amazing about it, was it purple? Did it cost 1p? Did the vegetables do a little dance for you before you popped them into your mouth? Don't answer any of those questions. (do you need to add a ? after a rhetorical question?).

Perhaps it's me. You'd be amazed to know that I'm not an 'amazing' bloke. I know my rant seems a tad OTT, and even my wife is getting bored with my exclamation after it's every use, but hear me out. My case rests with the fact that Noel Edmunds, Deal or No Deal and the word 'amazing' are inextricably linked in some cabbalistic way.

Each day from Monday to Friday, while waiting for the Simpsons, I end up switching channels and stopping at Noel Edmunds patronizing voice and crappy shirts,  presenting a programme I hate in every way, telling someone they are having an amazing game, amazing luck, got an amazing gameplan and amazingly I don't switch over. I stand arguing with the T.V., shaking my head, going red in the face while my wife leaves the room doing her own shaking of the head. I even watch it to the end and turn it over to watch Ready, Steady, Cook and talk to that too.

To stop us all from being brainwashed, fight back. Don't tolerate this word. Do something amazing today, buy a Roget's Thesaurus. Log on to amazing, I mean amazon and buy loads of Roget's Thesauruseses. Hand them out to people on the streets with peace and love. I will if you will. 

I'm getting tired now. Text the word amazing to 666 if you want to edit this word out of the human language of the world.

I'm a vegetarian and I love all animals but I would sadly ring the neck of any parrot that some imbecile had taught to say 'a m  a  z   i    n g.' Typing slower now.

There, I said it

Thatwasme