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By B.D.
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24 December 2006 |
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Don't stay if you plan to leave.
Don't fake it when you know it's not real.
Don't give up so you can say you tried.
Don't tell me to smile when you don't know how much I cried.
Don't say words you know aren't true.
Don't hug me when all you do is think of her.
Don't grab my hand if you miss her touch.
Don't break my heart when yours hurts this much. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 24th December 2006 | Liked the way this ended with a couplet. Not sure about the repetition - but I did stop to think about what you'd written, so this clearly has something.
Phil. |
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 28th December 2006 | Not sure what I think about this one. At the moment it doesn't work particularly well for me. I think this structure could work but at the moment you're using a lot of cliches - if you twisted their meaning, give us a few unusual ideas along the way the piece might end up being a very intriguing read.
Elli |
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