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By thelonelyguy
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29 December 2006 |
An attempt at a Christmas Haiku. This came from the need to try and clear my mind in a season of overkill and cocktail party dribble. I really like Haiku poems - I like their simplicity. This is one of my first attempts, so I would appreciate any feedback! Thanks.
The festive panic! A christmas tree sits winking lost in the moment |
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 28th December 2006 | liked it.  | Festive Panic
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 29th December 2006 | | I read about Haiku before doing my own poem. 17 syllables, in a 5, 7, 5 sequence, and with mention of the season. I think you have done extremely well - excellent in fact. (But for me, I still prefer my rhyming poetry - but that is just me I think). I'm glad that poetry is like art and each person has their own distinct style. Patterjack says that Haiku is addictive, so I expect we will see another of your attempts for the new year? |
Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 29th December 2006 | Works for me. Like the idea of the tree personified - or is that just me misreading? Old traditionalist that I am - shouldn't there be a full stop at the end?
Phil.
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Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 30th December 2006 | Liked it - difficult to carry the haiku off sticking to the spirit in which it was intended but as a short piece I liked it. Thought you could have left the exclamation mark out though...came across for me as unnecessary in a piece so short. Enjoyed this.
Elli | thanks
Written by thelonelyguy (9 comments posted) 1st January 2007 | thanks for the encouraging feedback.
Yeah, I think the Haiku style is addictive. They are like a little puzzle with a thin line separating the sublime from the ridiculous.
I don't usually use exclamation marks Elli, but I felt like it added to the sense of Yuletide hysteria and also I was alluding to the use of them in advertising (as in SALE!) overkill.
Phil, you're probably right about the full stop, but as I said, I'm new at this malarky.
Happy new year. |
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