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Poetry
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Bliss
By JourneyAtNight
02 January 2007
Happy New Year!

Right, well I'm not too sure about this one. It's quite personal. For myself, I wrote it about faith and religion, but it could signify any emotional goals we set for ourselves.
Again, not sure. Maybe a bit too flat? Any feedback would be great.
E


To be able to step there
Even only to touch it
Feel bliss,
zephyr at my fingertips.
Chiffon peace
brushing my cheek
Light
everywhere around me
Solacing
my every breath.


Just to be there.


Alas, life will intervene
selfish
determined to speak the last
word.
Words said reassuringly
Beautiful and enticing
but lacking that harmony,
That protective haze
that exists there
Where smiles
never fade,
where each sigh is a lullaby
Music to every moment
Held true
Always.


Bliss

Reviews
HI JAN
Written by jean.day (2196 comments posted) 2nd January 2007
It's a beautiful poem. And I think it can be read with lots of different interpretations to suit the reader. I like the idea of chiffon peace.

Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 2nd January 2007
Beautiful descriptions. We can only hope! 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 2nd January 2007
There are some lovely touches in this - like Jean I love 'chiffon peace'. Not sure all the line breaks are in the rights places - it reads too choppy for the theme at the moment for me, makes it a tad awkward in places. There is, however, a lot of beauty in this and, as you say, works on several levels. Liked it. 
 
Elli

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3138 comments posted) 2nd January 2007
I would say sad rather than flat but not irretrieveably so, there is a note of optomism there. I perticluarly liked the last 6 lines. It may have been about faith but it was open to interpretation as all good work should be. I thought it was a very spiritual piece; in the widest sense of the word 
cheers 
J

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
I think this would be more effective if you left it at the first stanza. I expected it to end there and found the second stanza somewhat dampened the impact of the first. Your capitalisation at the beginning of each line appears a bit random, but it's an interesting effort.

Written by JourneyAtNight (301 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
Thanks everyone for taking the time to review. 
 
Elli - I can see where you're coming from, I'll get tweaking! 
 
GK - I know what you mean, but personally, I need the second stanza in there or it wouldn't feel complete, but I'll work on it, try to get it to flow a little better. As for the capitalisation, I'm not quite sure what's going on to be honest! I'll fix that too! Cheers.  
 
E

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