'Danny. Danny!'

I could hear the shrill edge to my voice as, I dare say, could half the shopping centre. Having lost track of Danny for the fourth time that afternoon I was in no mood to play hide and seek. The severity of the panic I feel when I lose sight of him, even for an instant, always surprises me. I should, I suppose, have got used to it by now; he wanders off with increasing regularity, as soon as my back is turned in fact. Thrashing frantically through the crowds of Christmas shoppers I spotted him at the top of the escalator, dangerously close to the big red stop button.

'Danny! Don't touch that!' adding as much authority to my cracking voice as I could I elbowed my way through the throng and reached him in time to grab his wrist just before his fingers made contact.


'Ow. You're hurting me Mum. Get off.'

'Well if you kept your fingers to yourself and didn't run off I wouldn't have to grab you, would I? We talked about this before we came out, didn't we? What did I tell you?'

'Dunno, don't remember.'

'Yes you do. Tell me, what did I say to you?'

He stared at the ground, studiously avoiding eye contact, pretending he couldn't hear me. Only one way to be sure of attracting his attention when he gets into a mood like that. I swapped all the shopping bags onto one hand to leave the other free and put the free hand under his chin, forcing the eye contact.

'What did I say to you?'

'You didn't say anything.'

'Danny.'

A huge sigh escaped and then, grudgingly, I got a reply,

'Not to run off without you.'

'OK. Thank you. So why were you running away?'

'Wasn't running away. If you push the button the escalator stops. That's what we do. Push the button. So it stops.'

I gave up then, we could have stood there arguing all day for all the good it would have done. I could feel the glares of impatient shoppers as they elbowed past us, desperate to get down the escalator into the joys of the Marks and Spencer food hall. Danny and I have got used to holding up people, traffic, everything really as we thrash out whatever the latest issue is. I redistributed the shopping bags, grasped his hand firmly in mine and stepped onto the escalator.

'Come on then you, lets go and get something for dinner and then we'll head home. OK? No more running away please, hold my hand tightly. There's a good boy.'

'If you press the red button it stops. See, like this.'

Before I had time to react he'd hit the button at the bottom of the escalator. I should have seen it coming really, he's nothing if not persistent and he'd probably been eyeing it up all the way down, he's never been subtle. What was I supposed to do? Being laden down with bags in one hand only leaves one free for child control which, unfortunately, leaves him with a free hand. I suppressed the urge to give him a good hard slap, nothing guaranteed to draw more disapproving stares than smacking your disabled child in a public place.

Mind you, the busybodies don't have to live with Danny. Paul used to joke that we should lend him out - a fortnight with Danny would be enough to try any-one's patience. Not that he'd know much about that - I had hoped that he would look after Danny that afternoon whilst I attacked the Christmas shopping but he said he had golf plans so, as usual, it was just the two of us. Face crimson with embarrassment I managed to manhandle the pair of us out of the flow of people.

'What did I tell you? Now, we're going into M&S to get something for tea. Anymore silliness from you and there'll be trouble, OK?'

'I told you. If you push the button it stops.'

'Enough or I'm going to get really cross. Drop it.'

'But I told you.'

Another futile argument to abandon as soon as possible, I just grunted and steered him in the direction of the entrance to the food hall.

'Now, which of these unappetising slabs of meat shall we buy for Daddy's dinner?'

'We going to a restaurant?'

'No, we're not going to a restaurant. You know we're not so stop going on about it.'

'I'll see Johnnie later? He's going to help me with my Playstation.'

That stopped me in my tracks a little bit.

'Maybe. Johnnie said he'd try and come home this evening, remember? He might be busy though so you may have to wait until tomorrow.'

'No. He said he's coming home this evening. To help me with my Playstation. Dad said.'

'Dad said nothing of the sort. I told you that Johnnie might be coming home this evening but that you might have to wait until tomorrow morning to see him.'

'No. He said this evening.'

'Well we'll see.'

Inwardly I was hoping that Johnnie had remembered. Usually I text him to remind him but we'd been so busy with Christmas preparations that I'd forgotten. The last time he came home had been a disaster. He phoned to tell us he would be arriving mid-morning but he didn't turn up until half past six that evening. Danny sat in the window for six hours waiting for him to turn up. He's a big boy now, I can't move him anywhere he really doesn't want to go and he really didn't want to move. He kept asking where Johnnie was, kept telling me that Johnnie was coming home to help him with his Playstation.

I was so angry with Johnnie, he can be so inconsiderate. It's not him that has to explain to Danny why his big brother hasn't arrived. He doesn't have to deal with tears and tantrums because when he does finally show up Danny is so glad to see him that he follows him around like a puppy. So I hoped that this time Johnnie would show up before Danny's bedtime otherwise there would be trouble.

'Come on then. We'll have the chicken breasts I think. You can help me cook them if you like?'

'Don't like chicken. Johnnie's home for tea?'

It is never a good sign when distraction tactics fail to work. I swallowed hard and tried again,

'You do like chicken. We'll roast it in the oven. That's your favourite isn't it?  Johnnie won't be home until after tea and you might even be in bed by the time he gets here.'

'I don't like chicken and I won't be in bed.'

That statement of intent was even more ominous so I changed tack entirely.

'Come on, lets go and pay for this and head home shall we? You can put a DVD on when we get back.'