They always lurked, just out of sight. She knew they were there, but whenever she turned her head to see them, they would disappear into the shadows, leaving her to question whether they were really there, or not.
She had wondered, at the beginning, what is was they wanted from her, as they taunted her, day and night with their half-presence, playing with her mind and her sanity. Whispers in her ear, nonsense words with malicious intent obvious in its tone. The bitter, acrid scent as they brushed past her; the horror of their essence as it merged with hers for the briefest of moments. They were all around her without ever revealing their identities.
The doctor gave her some pills, and for the shortest time they worked. She would leap joyfully, gratefully into the abyss they provided, a sanctuary from her senses for a couple of hours. But soon they found her even as she hid there, and the sanctuary became a nightmare from which she found it difficult to wake. She stopped taking the tablets, preferring to face the demons with her senses intact, rather than being trapped with them in a psychedelic drug induced prison.
She pondered her options, in those brief, luxurious moments when her mind was her own. But there was never time to act before they invaded her once more, tormenting her, putting thoughts in her head and words in her mouth. Soon her body was a shell with herself pushed into the farthest, smallest corner of her mind. They inhabited the rest.
She prayed that death would take her; waited patiently for her brief moment of freedom. When it came, with a handful of pills she slid thankfully into the void, embracing death as joyfully as she had once embraced life. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 3rd January 2007 | The last thing I read of yours I thoroughly enjoyed. Although this was pretty well written, I didn't like it.
My personal reaction is that yes, people can be driven to suicide, but to face it joyfully, I think not. Having never been there I could be completely wrong.
Sorry, Phil. |
Written by Thatllbemethen (83 comments posted) 3rd January 2007 | Well this short story, as depressing as it sounds, was quite convincing and had coherent language that depicted an old-style take on mania.
The ending, although as to be expected with this concept, was less captivating and suggested that perhaps you wanted to sum up and move on.
Difficult subject, well executed. |
Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 3rd January 2007 | mmnnnn ... quite well written although your trying too hard sometimes. This would be quite nice as a larger whole but there seems to be a lot of these short stories here at the moment where girl gets confused, harassed and either she or someone close to her dies; which is ok I suppose but its never that simple in life and the reader feels cheated.
Would be interested to read more ... keep tapping. |
Written by Fledermaus (3489 comments posted) 4th January 2007 | I think it's brilliant. You captured her feelings so well that I'd almost think that it's either autobiographical or you know someone like her personally.
Indeed the end is surprising, but I wouldn't call it unconvincing. Who knows how someone would react? And even though you could perhaps have made her reasoning somewhat different, I think the last line was great. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | | Having known a few people who have gone through profound depression and psychotic episodes, I do think that suicide could be a joyful release. But how sad that this girl didn't manage to claw her way back to sanity. | #'...I'll never make that mistake agai
Written by SammoR (132 comments posted) 9th January 2007 |
Short, sharp and hard hitting. i'd have loved a happy ending, but as we all know, life's not always like that.
Nice to see a story with the name of a Smiths song...you a Douglas Coupland fan by any chance? | Girl afraid
Written by sam (4 comments posted) 14th September 2007 | | Thought it was well written.Liked it very much but to me it seemed she was not tormented by mental illness but something more sinister.Autobiographical??Life is not always as simple as we think....If someone who had suffered from this experience should read your piece,they probably would say that you had captured the truth for them | Impressive.
Written by creaigtherave (31 comments posted) 12th September 2008 | | A very poweful read. I found it had echos of both the film The Sixth Sense and the reality of mental illness in our world today. I was quite moved by it. |
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