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Poetry


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Join hands

By Phil

03 January 2007

Inspired by Oli's piece. Alas, I lack his poetic skills....

There was a cruel man in Bagdad
Who was killed – he’d been ever so bad.
They strung him up high
And left him to die
There were few who felt sorry or sad.

There was a mad man in the West
Who with oil was completely obsessed.
With god on his side
He can feel full of pride
As he strides ‘cross the world in conquest.

Men, women and children drop dead
From bombs and bullets of lead.
They drop where they stand
And their blood stains the land
While the beast of hatred is fed.

The beast will grow stronger each day
And the mad to their gods, they will pray.
We will feel their attacks
From their bulging backpacks.
The slaughter will come here some day.

All the world’s little wars all join hands.
Take your horror, get bigger, expand.
Strike the earth clear of hate
And wipe clean the slate.
When we’re gone, we might understand.

Reviews

Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 3rd January 2007

Fantastic poem, Phil. Very thought provoking - shows two sides of the story. I'm not very good at reviews, but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. As for not having Oli's poetic skills, I'm not so sure about that....

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3567 comments posted) 3rd January 2007

I think you can be quite proud of this one. I thought the contrast of the tight rhyming and bouncy rhythm with the shocking content worked really well. I have seen this done before; Roger McGough uses this technique to great affect. If I could write poems this is the sort of stuff I would do. This stands on it's own without comparison; after all this is writing community not a contest.
cheers
J

Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 3rd January 2007

Its a horrible situation - one big ugly viscious circle. I wish they would open their eyes, and look past their own deluded causes.
Great poem, I liked it very much.
You have your own excellent syle of writing - very genuine, always striking a cord. As above, don't make comparisons.
Best wishes,
E

Written by Toad (106 comments posted) 3rd January 2007

I agree with BBS about the effective contrast of rythm and content. I also feel that this is an instance of a last stanza being so fitting and well done that it retroactively lifts the whole poem. Well done.

HI Phil
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 4th January 2007

I thought this was very good and appropriate to the current situation. I liked it very much.

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 4th January 2007

Very interesting idea stringing limericks together for this piece - makes for an intriguing contrast with the content. I liked it - the metre trips up in a couple of places whre the stresses are wrong or the syntax is distorted I think but overall really enjoyed the read. Definitely thought provoking.

Elli

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 4th January 2007

Thanks for the coments everyone.
Phil.

Doh!
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 4th January 2007

Sp- comments!!!

Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 5th January 2007

I liked this a lot Phil and agree entirely with the sentiments expressed.

By the way, you may lack my poetic "skills" but you have a set all of your own - I prefer yours!

Oli

Written by rilLie (328 comments posted) 5th January 2007

I liked this a lot as well. :grin

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