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Poetry
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Water Horse
By ellipinnock
03 January 2007
Bit of an experiment...

Re-titled - didn't want to tie it so strongly to the kelpie when it's such a hotch-potch of different things :)

Tweaked in a few places - last stanza still not right though

A damp June day had dawned so calm and still;
the edge of the water, dull and dank
as the youthful Prince came riding by in haste,
through the trees and down the river's sullen bank.
 
A score of horsemen followed, strong and swift,
pursuing fame, hearts full of foolish pride.
They came upon a willow standing tall
and in its shadow something strange had died.
 
Beyond the cage of bones a pair of eyes
appeared - so wide and blue and full of promise,
so lithe and shy with hooves that flew and pranced
bidding the men abandon thoughts of malice.

The Prince was first to jump aboard, though soon
his men came after, one by one until
they all were seated on a back now broad.
Teeth bared, head dipped, the pony drank its fill,
 
sent up a cry and with a toss of mane
was off through field and forest with scant care
for foolish riders cursing now in vain;
they could not match the beast's unholy stare.
 
One score and one were all stuck fast by flesh
to flesh, no hope of rescue or reprieve
for who could catch this monster fast and fell?
The Prince in desperation tried to cleave
 
the horseflesh from his own to no avail,
the bond too strong for mortal hands to break;
and so they ride, though breath departs from life.
Victims of the waterhorse. Their mistake,
 
their folly, their unthinking haste has doomed
them to this fate. So far away from our
concerns. Our modern ways protect us now.
We do not hear the galloping of hooves.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
I guessed this was based on Scottish myth but didn't know it. For those who are interested, Google provided: http://www.pantheon.org/articles/k/kelpie.html 
 
I really enjoyed reading this Elli. It's a form I like and it suited the story very well. I love narrative verse and this did everything I would expect it to. On first reading I wasn't sure about the last verse, but on rereading thought it fitted well. 
 
One of my favourites I think. 
 
Phil. 
 
(Is it called iambic pentameter? Teaching younger ones has dulled my memory of things I used to know.)

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
Took a few liberties with the traditional kelpie tale...it's mostly iambic pentameter but not all iambs and not all pentameter :) 
 
I also wasn't entirely sure about the last verse (mind you - I have my doubts about some of the other bits as well) but I'm glad you enjoyed reading it because I enjoyed writing this one! 
 
Cheers 
 
Elli

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
Yes, I'd heard of the kelpie tales too, Phils link clarifying some points. 
 
Really liked this. There's always something about poetry that enhances the telling of myths and legends, it almost holds the reader in a 'trance', if you like, and this one did just that. 
 
Great piece, enjoyed 
 
E

Written by Toad (100 comments posted) 3rd January 2007
I had to read it a few times to understand the story it told, but as I did so I was more and more impressed. Great job with the rhyming and line breaks. Being able to write so eloquently in this format is enviable.
HI Elli
Written by jean.day (2257 comments posted) 4th January 2007
Very much enjoyed reading this one too. I agree with all the above.

Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 4th January 2007
Elli, There is a quality to your work that is quite haunting, in a beautiful sense. I’m thinking you must be something of a complex person who sees in colour where the rest of us can only find blacks and whites. ---- I love your poem/poetry (especially today).

Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 5th January 2007
Not sure. I'll return to this at a more appropriate moment. 
 
Oli :roll

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th January 2007
I thoroughly enjoyed this, Elli.  
 
There is one line that I might have wanted rephrased -- 'though breath departs from life' -- but other than that, I just wish I'd written it myself.  

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