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Poetry
Friendship Frayed (revised)
By JourneyAtNight
04 January 2007
I did some minor tweaking...no great changes.


Frustration boils,
the pressure of his words
tipping her cover as
guilt overflows
unable to return
what he left there...

left lingering there

Those wretched words
slowly tearing her perfect picture to pieces -
her work of art.
Friendship defaced.

Anger grows and divides

towards him.
For a selfish confession
ignorantly spoken.
For leaving her with this black weight
to carry on her back.

And towards herself -
Her own blind and tactless ways,
too many smiles,
too much eyelash.

And now
only awkward silences and
indecisive eyes
remain
to deepen the pain,
the presence
of a threadbare bond.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 4th January 2007
I remember something of this the first time around and that I liked it. I was a bit thrown with 'divides towards him' and had to read it twice. 
 
Liked this, been there in my youth too (from male perspective - I blew a perfect friendship because I wanted more) 
 
Thought the last verse very effective. 
 
Phil.
Hi JAN
Written by jean.day (2327 comments posted) 4th January 2007
I didn't read this the first time around, but like it very much now. It has a powerhouse of emotion in it.  
 

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 5th January 2007
Emotional and personal.  
 
To be honest, I've never had a friend close enough to cry about their loss. I think that is down to me keeping people at arms length. 
 
This is a powerful piece - I like it. 
 
Oli :)

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 5th January 2007
Liked this the first time and I still like it - the tweaks are all good ones as far as I can tell 
 
unable to return 
what he left there 
 
reads a little awkwardly but apart from that the only minor criticism I have is that I think there are too many line breaks in this. Enjoyed it - certainly a powerful piece. 
 
Elli

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