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By ellipinnock
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05 January 2007 |
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Our daughter sits, face creased,
anxiously concentrating on her tight-fisted,
chubby-fingered grip that cracks
the tip of her black crayon as she forces
it around thick, fluorescent card.
Losing interest she toddles off.
I gently lift the stencil
to reveal jagged edges scored into paper.
Edges that border a tear-smeared space
in which you used to fit.
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Written by poetwithnorhyme (11 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | Very good poem.
I know what it feels like to be that little girl, so the poem really moves me. The rhythmn seems a little choppy. It's kind of hard to read it smoothly, but that kind of adds to the emotion. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | Hard to add a comment Elli as your poem says it all - and eloquently. Effective and full of unspent emotion.
Phil. | Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | Wonderful poem. Very emotive. And as usual, you are saying lots of things in those very few words.
As usual I have to add my two cents worth. My granddaughter (20 months) was given a drawing set for Christmas - something I had never seen before. You have a plastic sheet that goes on the floor, and the pens are filled with water, and when you write on the white surface it turns blue. She just loved it, and spent much time putting the water on her tiny palm and then pressing it down onto the plastic to make a hand print. The toy provided stensils but she really enjoyed the free flow more. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 6th January 2007 | | This is a fine poem, but I wonder if a child young enough to toddle off would understand what was happening or be able to produce even such a simple drawing. I can see the 'artist' here as a four or five-year-old rather than as a toddler. But that is a tiny point and hardly takes away from the lovely quality of this poem. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 6th January 2007 | Really great poem. I love the quick rhythm of the first stanza and the way it slows in the second to focus on the emotional content of the piece. Great use of language, expressive without being sentimental. Love it  |
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 6th January 2007 | Wonderful!
You are very good at puting yourself in others' shoes. Full of raw, excruciating emotion.
Oli |
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 7th January 2007 | | Elli, a/our thinking persons poet. Thank you |
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 10th January 2007 | beautiful poem, didnt sound choppy to me, the image, words, feeling all flowed wonderfully. A great piece.
fran | Thanks
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 10th January 2007 | to Fran and belatedy to everyone else as well
Elli |
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